Flashback to Monday, April 23rd, 2018. My sister and I rejoined Weight Watchers (now called WW) with a newfound zeal to lose weight (she was nearly at goal, but was being kind enough to join with me. I weighted a mighty 317.8. My WW dashboard history shows my rapid descent from there to 284 just 2 months later.
Then things changed…
I look at my grid that shows the weight loss free fall and things stopped. I missed a few weeks. I came back a few weeks to gains…then I stopped going.
What changed? It wasn’t anything WW could have caused nor was it lack of success. It was at this point in 2018 that we discovered how much worse mom’s dementia had gotten without us fully seeing it. So I quit…for nearly 2 years! I gained 55 pounds in the meantime from stress eating and not being accountable to anyone except the McDonald’s Android app.
What happened next? Well, it reminds me of the catch phrase ( “Go back, Go Back, Go Back to Where You Were!” ) from this episode of Blue’s Clues. (Unfortunately this episode is only available by rent. 🙁 ) If you are a parent of a kiddo in their teens or even 20’s, you may remember it… If not, just pretend with me.
Stress and the unforeseen shock of just how bad it had gotten had made me wish desperately to “Go Back, Go Back, Go Back to Where You Were!”. Mom had gone from cutely forgetful (Edith Bunker, but much more forgetful) to completely forgetful and downright dangerous to leave alone…all in a very short time. We dropped everything and took as much action as we could. We scheduled a cognitive test session (which she failed badly) with mom’s primary physician and had several appointments in that realm. We started informal planning meetings as siblings, then met with our stepdad to discuss the issues further. Things were out of control as mom was accidentally doing things that could kill her every single day. (Re: putting objects in her food, in wall outlets, etc…not to mention the wandering.)
We had no choice, at this point, but to get SeniorAge and the Alzheimer’s Association involved. SeniorAge was able to arrange us respite care to help my stepdad, who was deeply in 24/7 caregiving, get breaks. The organization helped with accessibility in the house through grab bars in the bathroom and other helps. They kept mom in her home for at least 6 months until there was just too many obstacles to safe living. We then had no choice but to move mom to a memory care unit. We used the Alz.org website and 1-800# to learn all we could learn as fast as we could learn it. All of this happened over a several month period, but seemed like it happened over a several minute period. Oh how bad would we have liked to Go Back, Go Back, Go Back to Where We Were!…but we could not. The rest is history…the last 400+ blog posts chronicle these last 18 months.
So last week, after a month and a half of working out 5x a week and following the WW green plan religiously, I finally arrived at my “Go Back, Go Back, Go Back to Where I (Was)” point and went below it by a couple pounds. Going into tonight’s weigh-in, I sit at 315.6. It is a big number, but it is a chance at a redo….and while I would never wish a redo of the last 18 months on anyone from a regular, everyday life standpoint, I look forward to reworking this weight loss story into something special. Stay tuned on Tuesdays going forward to help me stay accountable. I appreciate you and need the ***help.
***Note: Why do I need the help? Because eating your way to stress relief works just dandy!!! I could overeat and feel much better in the short-term. Easy peasy until it wasn’t. Gaining weight adds a new burden: being tired, being more stressed in the long run, and being depressed. We need to fight this “eating as stress relief” and replace that habit loop with treating ourselves good in a healthy way instead. If you, or I, truly want to be the best caregiver we can be, we have to watch our health and our weight. I am trying to replace feeding my face with feeding my brain (and my spiritual life) and this blog has helped. I look forward to year two. I hope I am able to help you and me more than ever. 🙂
Update: Mom fell out of bed last night again. We are getting bed rails since it is a reoccurring phenomenon. She has a small bump, but nothing compared to the awful falls of early 2019. We had a nice, if short, visit today at lunchtime where I got to check out her noggin a little. Stinkin’ disease. If it were a person, I would demand that it come out and show itself and take the beating it deserves…but no dice. 🙁 (Acknowledging that none of the main characters on Blue’s Clues would approve of violence….)
Nevertheless, I would give all I have to Go Back, Go Back, Go Back to Where I (was)! Sigh.
#EndALZ
Note: I have lost over 100 pounds multiple times. I know the good and the bad about what I am talking about here. In a year all will be better. 🙂
BTW…WW is a great plan to make a weight life change! It really is. Give it a chance. 🙂