12/1/18
Uncertainty is an Everestesque challenge for me with caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s. I am anal retentive about planning/preparing. I am not always/often organized, but I have a method to the madness. I drive the same path. I pile the papers in the same place ala Radar O’Reilly. I study, learn, study more, memorize, take classes, read my Bible and sometimes even Google to fight not knowing/understanding as I face challenges. Alas, I fight uncertainty in vain, because faith, a gift of God to a believer (Eph. 2:8-9), is in some ways antithetical to preparing and completely “getting it”. As annoying as the cliche “Let go and Let God” is there is a nugget of truth there. Sometimes we have to throw our hands up and say “I guess I will understand later or in heaven.”
I expect I am not alone in this pursuit…
Each day when I
visit the memory unit, I have a variety of concerns:
How did she do today?
Did she have her morning meds?
Wonder if her bath worked out?
Toilet stuff…will just leave that general…
Has she hugged a Sweet 17 lady too hard or pushed them too fast in their
wheelchair?
Will she know me at least a tad?
Will she let me leave when it is time?
Will she say something very awkward not knowing who I am??
Will the couple of yellers yell?
Did we do the right thing? Is she in the right place?
Trusting plays a lot into loving
a brain bandit victim.
We trust that even with a blank state they somehow are blessed when we say hi
or hug a neck.
We trust that they are cared for well.
We trust that they can communicate if something hurts.
We trust that the alone Sweet 17 ladies that never get visited don’t get
visited because nobody is left.
We trust that as things get worse, God will give us the grace such we will not
join them in not visiting.
We trust in His grace that if we have the disease later we will not say or do
anything dishonoring of Him and of our lives lived.
We trust that Romans 8:28 means what it says.
Please, please, please don’t take this as someone hoping for pats on the back. Compared to my stepdad caregiving 24/7/365 for 9+ years dementia and over a year full-blown Alzheimer’s, me posting my trite posts about her situation isn’t squat (it is actually self-serving at best as a method I use to cope).
That said, in these posts, I make a conscious attempt to show the good with the bad, but it is truly a hard situation for them to be in and for visitors to cope with. I certainly and completely understand why people are scared to visit and/or don’t see the value of sitting next to a blank starer in many cases.
Do your best, caregiver. Visit, even if it doesn’t seem fruitful. Walk with them to the end, as best you can. 🙂 I trust that somewhere inside good is happening when you/we do that and I know that God is honored in the process.
#EndALZ
