Posted 12-17-19
I love parades like Oprah loves bread! At the end of last week, our family was blessed to watch the Bolivar Christmas parade and, despite the bitter cold, we enjoyed it very much! Well, I suppose my article title gave me up, but it got me thinking about dementia. (Surprise)
- The Show Must Go On: The parade was entirely too cold for humans, whether on a float or watching. I realize I sound snowflake-ish myself whining about a 25 degree parade, but the wind was very cold! In dementia, caregiving is a 24/7/365 proposition for millions. Weather terrible? On duty! Weather pretty and begging for fishing and/or a nice walk? On duty! Thank you for the millions of you who are always working regardless of the environment! You all matter!
- Nobody wants to walk after the horses. The parade organizers have FINALLY retooled the schedules of parades to move the horses to the end. In our favorite parade, the large one in Stockton, Mo., they used to sell bingo boards and had designated areas that would get “marked” by horses. If you lucked out and had your pieces marked, you won a big prize. In the nursing home/memory unit, nobody liked to change the seniors who have had accidents. Very, very few things frustrate me more (probably only missing her meds) than meeting mom for supper and having her be unchanged. 🙁 I get it, they don’t pay a wage commensurate with the task…but they need to!
- Regifting works! I have noticed that Halloween candy tends to be popular at the ole Christmas parade! It doesn’t bother me, I suppose, because…freeeee candy!…but I prefer to know the history of my candy before I eat it. Save the regifting for Christmas parties at work. However, with seniors with dementia, regifting is fine. Mom tends to like a clean, used stuffed animal for a while…until she doesn’t. You can give it to her again later and she forgets that she is tired of it and likes it. The same can be said of food. Sometimes she says she doesn’t want, say, ice cream. If you give her 2 minutes and try again…voila! She loves it. Sad, but true reality.
- Candy revisited. So, parades bring the sweets! If we would have tried, we could have hauled 10 pounds of candy home. We also got Cokes from another vendor float. (One enterprising dentist passed out toothbrushes too!) All of these treats are fine, in moderation. In dementia, the same. The temptation is to say “He/She has a limited time to live. I will let him/her eat whatever they want!” This sounds altruistic, but the resulting diabetes, tooth decay (it is hard to brush their teeth well enough) and sick stomachs aren’t worth the parade of candy, nor is their resulting refusing of healthy food knowing that the candy train will arrive soon. Slip them some sweets, but feed with the healthy stuff.
- Santa to the rescue! Toward the end of the parade, as people are starting to get bored, Santa comes riding on a shiny, red firetruck and ho-ho -hos loudly while minions throw piles of candy, rescuing the day and punctuating the positive memory of the parade. In caregiving, visitors can be Santa if they are willing to dish out the candy-esque: respite time. Take advantage of the break! Get some sleep. Use the bathroom in peace! Take a walk! Pull some weeds in the garden. You know your happy place…get there! Just like some Santa family members look a little rough and less Santa-like, look again through the eyes of a child and imagine…and take your break. You need it. If you need help finding respite care, call the Alzheimer’s Association or your local Area Agency on Aging! Help is available!
- Keep your stinking head covered! We were so cold! I know, a big part of my temperature deficiency was my lack of a hat! I have an MBA. I am not a dummy… I get it. I was lazy, ok?!?! Some crazies chose foam reindeer antlers instead of a hat! Proper head covering protects from temperature extremes/sunburns, from head injury (hard hats) and from bed head. In dementia, we remember the need to protect our noggin too! As preventative measures, do these two things and your risk will decline!: Eat a heart-healthy diet and protect your head from injury. Repeated concussions seem to add to the risk of contracting the disease. Keep that head safe! Additionally, if you are taking care of your loved one at home, remember to keep their head a suitable temperature when you spend time outside. They will not know the difference if you don’t, but their body sure will!
- Strike up the band!!! My son is a senior and marched his last parade last week. 🙁 I have always loved watching him (and my oldest doing the same) march. I, being a little anal retentive, like the organization of a band. The march in unison. They have order. The start and stop together. If they are stuck following the horses, they maneuver the manure minefield together. That perfectly reminds me of the need for routine in the life of our loved ones. When all things are marching together, as we have always done it, things get easier. When the routine gets messed up, issues happen. Watch for mines coming ahead and prepare for them as best you can.
- Take time to sneak in a smile. Since this was my son’s last hurrah marching-wise, we screamed “Go Phillip” and made all sorts of gestures, chasing him down the street as he marched. He, like the true palace guard he was taught to be, always tried to hold back a smile, but we got him and he did laugh! If you are caring for a loved one, remember to laugh. Find some funny. When something frustrating happens, laugh it off knowing that eventually things will be better. Keep a notebook of the funny stuff and share it later with support groups, on the Facebook groups and the like. We all need some humor. 🙂
- Raise the banner! Speaking of bands, I appreciate the utility of a nice, large-print banner (and their carriers) that precedes a marching band. Heck, I have trouble recognizing my own son’s band at first without the banner. In dementia, raise the banner proudly too and raise money for a cure when you can. The Walk to End Alzheimer’s and the Longest Day are two great opportunities to raise funds and education on this stinkin’ disease. if we are to find a class of cures, it will take a miracle and lots and lots of the green stuff!
- The fun will eventually end. When the parade is all over, and the streets have been swept, we will leave the fantasy and reenter our humdrum lives. Memories and pictures are all that live on. We have no cure nor a way to extend life in dementia. The fun will end in sadness, in hugs and in family gatherings. We simply need a cure to rewrite this into a happy ending! Let’s fight to #EndALZ harder than ever in 2020!
Mom continued her good streak through the weekend and yesterday. I am going to try to sleigh my way there tonight to see her. This is normally caregiver support group night, but the weather is just too rough. I am not discouraged at the lack of attendees the last few months…the weather has been terrible! We will shoot for next month on the 3rd Tuesday (January 21st).
I love these comparative lists. 🙂
Thank you! 🙂 If they teach anything definitively, it is that the disease is always in my mind. 🙁