Posted 2-28-20
Happy Friday, all! Another week (nearly) in the books and still no cure or life-extending treatments, but we march on toward that end. It has been an eventful week, as they all seem to be, ending today with a brief appearance on KY3, or local NBC affiliate, talking about our new SeniorAge Alert Program. It will text/call/email a bunch of local seniors in the event of a disaster to work as a quick wellness check, to provide relief information, and to pass on valuable, time-sensitive information they will need in these events. We hope to have many thousand signed up so we can be more efficient in wellness check calls. We will also send out fraud alerts that are time-sensitive…and seniors are always a target for these scoundrels. But first, before I can start the day, I needed my morning workout at Planet Fitness. Or so I thought…
10 Things You Can Learn About Dementia From Planet Fitness
- What you want, you really, really want, isn’t always what you get. (Much apologies to the Spice Girls…you can have your song back shortly…): If you haven’t noticed my Tuesday posts, they show my weight loss. For those who have known me for a long time, yes I am back at it again, trying to lose that last, stubborn 100 pounds. Today I was going to hit my stretch goal of 50 (WW) fit points and was a few minutes in when the fat gods struck!: the stinkin’ power went out!!! Not just there, but the whole block. The employee was exceedingly calm, gracious, and friendly, but he had to ask us all to leave. I am thankful I was on a bike and not running on a treadmill when the power was yanked or, at the blazing speed I run I may have blasted through the console like the Kool-Aid man runs through a wall. Similarly, I really, really want a cure for dementia this week, or at least by the weekend. Millions are dying, many today alone.
- A little time does make a difference. This morning, I will admit it, I fiddled around instead of hurrying out to my workout. I ate a real breakfast instead of my normal banana and protein shake. I head-scratched my cat Silver and attempted to pat the always freaked out cat Flashlight. I wasted enough time between this stalling and the 57 MPH driving to have finished my workout before the power went out. In our dementia world, help folks find some time to visit these wonderful men and women. Even a little time brightens their day more than you know. It is a medicine for their heart and a salve for their sadness and stress.
- Focus on what you and they CAN DO. When the lights went out in
GeorgiaSpringfield (Sorry Reba), they could have let me keep riding. My bike wasn’t tethered to the power anyway and I would have been happy to bike in the dark. However, policy is policy…I get it. (Also, the dark shower might have been interesting anyway.) Teepa Snow, one of the rockstars in dementia caregiving training, focuses on what your loved one CAN do, not what has been stolen from then. If you haven’t watched her video on the stages of Alzheimer’s as gems, you must. The previous link points to it. Similarly, focus on what you CAN do for your loved one, not what you can’t. You can’t cure them, but you can pray to the one who can. You can’t fix their stress, but you can hold their hand. You can’t completely end social isolation, but you can visit. - Remember that you are not alone. Everyday when I work out there are at least 2 or 3 of the exact same ladies working out on the same machines as always. They were there (well) before I got there and leave (probably) well after I leave. In dementia caregiving, we can be tempted to feel alone…like there is nobody out there that understands. In reality, there are millions in the same boat. Many have it worse. Many got there before we came and will still be there after we leave. We need to stick together, help each other, and leave no man/woman behind.
- Darkness is bad because it makes our world not make sense. I kind of had a challenge navigating from my nook in Planet Fitness to my locker and to the door. There were a few emergency lights, but it was hard and confusing/disorienting. The mind of a dementia patient is confused by the darkness of forgotten solutions…forgotten ways out, if you will. Remember what I have said many times…the brain desperately seeks peace and relaxation, if you will. It LOVES the familiar because, in routine, it can reserve some horsepower to fight, to solve the challenges of life that crop up, and to be prepared for the worst. That is why we get dressed the same way, we drive approximately the same route to work, and we fall into a million similar routines. Doing things outside the routine are fine for a short time for a thrill (the stress of changing from the norm brings a rush), but we wouldn’t want this to last too long or it becomes a boring routine and loses the thrill. (Riding a roller coaster is fun, but riding the same one for 40 hours a week would become mundane and just part of what we do).
- Be nice and be calm. As I mentioned before, the employee was exceptionally nice as he ushered the frustrated out. That made a positive impression on me as I left and it dampened the frustration of not getting to hit my stretch goal. When you sit with a frustrated loved one with dementia, speak quietly and calmly, especially when they are struggling with anxiety and/or defiance. You will get nowhere (except to Worseville) by trying to shout down or talk over your loved one. Empathize and treat them like a valued person. Take a break, distract, then try again. Be nice. They know nice and will love it again anew.
- Patience is king. I bet ya the place is open again and the same couple of stalwarts are back hogging the stair machines. If I would have waited 30 minutes in the parking lot for the lights to come back on, I would have been fine to finish. Patience in caregiving is important, as I have already mentioned, in helping your loved one. However, be patient with 2 other folks too: your family and yourself. If your loved ones won’t visit or help with your afflicted loved one, be patient and keep offering opportunities, knowing that they may still say no. Sometimes they need to find something they are comfortable with in helping. You know…dipping the toe in the water, if you will. Find an easy success or two for them. They will be shoulder-to-shoulder with you before you know it. Secondly, be patient with yourself. Love yourself enough to take care of yourself! Your Area Agency on Aging likely has programs to help you mitigate the stress minefield. Here is a link for you to find one near you if you are not in our little nook of the Ozarks.
- Trying something new can help. I know I mentioned how our brain loves familiarity and routine, and I stand by that. However, our fat selves also love familiarity. If you get in a dieting rut, try something different. Thirty minutes on a treadmill is great, but do the same thing, the same amount of time over and over for months will slow in effectiveness. You will get used to it and it will require less and less work/heart rate/perspiration. Add some stationary bike or free weights and you are back in the game. In dementia, diversion and changing the subject is a critical tool for your belt. When you are in a challenging situation or, perhaps, when you get a statement like “When can I leave the nursing home?”, try changing the subject or redirecting. It doesn’t always work, but it often does…and it sure beats the heck out of shouting/confronting/correcting/being frustrated. Throw on some music from their youth. Empathize. Love. 🙂
- Showering can be a pain in the butt! The showers in Planet Fitness are out of the way and very dark when the power is out. I am super glad I wasn’t deeply into my workout and could avoid the shower. Patients with dementia may very well HATE bathing/showering. I am not an expert in this area, but here are some super tips by Teepa Snow and others! Link 1 Link 2 Link 3 Link 4 Link 5 Link 6 Link 7
- There is (almost) always tomorrow! Be thankful for every one of them… I would have loved to hit my FitPoints goal today! I could go into the weekend with a clear conscience and eat until I exploded…uhhh…errr…I mean I could have ate sensibly knowing that I did well this week on the exercise front. However, plans were foiled. There is always tomorrow…a day that will be in the mid-60s and sunny! I can knock out the last few points toot sweet! If you are struggling, friends, keep your head up. I know…easier said than done….I get it. But do it. Take it one day at a time, sure, but look forward. Things will eventually be easier. Find time to rest, to pray, to read, to exercise, to live life. Ask for help from the Alzheimer’s Association and/or the local area agency on aging and/or your family/church family. Make the most of your time with your loved one even though they are different and hard to cope with sometimes. Sunny days are coming again. And, can I impose on the many of you who have lost a loved one recently to this savage disease? Take time to grieve. To rest. To rejuvenate. Then, and only then, join back in and start fighting again for an end to this mess. Serve. Love. Fight… We need you and your experience. Life is soooo short. Thankfulness for each day should be a way of life for all of us.
God bless all of you! I hope you have a great weekend and I will see you back Monday, or on social media here and there.
#EndALZ
Update: Mom was in good shape yesterday again. My visit was short, but was nice. I soak in every laugh as if it may be the last.
Note: Prior to jumping back in charge of my weight through WW and Planet Fitness, the only “fitness” I was thinking about was “How am I fitness whole Double Whopper in my mouth in one bite???”. I am on a better track now and have lost the first 25 pounds.