Posted 6/8/22
But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. -Psalm 3:3
Howdy ho, all! Happy Monday Tuesday Wednesday! Sorry to have missed Monday’s little mini-loaf of Cornbread. I was at KU working with some far smarter folks than I on a study regarding Statin drugs, a drug class that millions are on, including millions with dementia. It is part of their Alzheimer’s research even though they have another study specific to that as well. This quarter I had a bunch of diagnostic work done and gave another muscle biopsy from my thigh. It is healing up nicely , as it did the last two times I did this with them, and I will be running again Friday. This will also give my foot blisters time to heal up. They are doing much better than the last picture I showed. 🙂
It was a long couple of days (Sun-Tue), not because the work was that demanding. There were hard points in the study, but the majority was quite smooth. The people there are wonderful, which helps a lot. What makes it challenging is being alone.
I don’t like it.
I just don’t.
I like to be engaged. I struggle with listening to music to shut my mind off. I can sometimes (when I run especially) do so with a mind-stimulating podcast or audio book, but aloneness and quietness is hard on me.
On the way back from KC, I was stuck in the car alone for 2 hours with minimal music that would consistently stay static-free (loathing static is almost a neurosis for me…) but I finally found one that recalled this May 2020 post: LINK It discusses a song called Stressed Out by a group many of you are almost certainly unfamiliar with: 21 Pilots. Here is a sample of their lyrics:
“Wish we could turn back time
To the good old days
When our momma sang us to sleep
But now we’re stressed out (oh)
Wish we could turn back time (oh)
To the good old days (oh)
When our momma sang us to sleep
But now we’re stressed out
We’re stressed out
Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young
How come I’m never able to identify where it’s coming from?
I’d make a candle out of it if I ever found it
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I’d probably only sell one
It’d be to my brother, ’cause we have the same nose
Same clothes, homegrown, a stone’s throw from a creek we used to roam
But it would remind us of when nothing really mattered
Out of student loans and tree house homes, we all would take the latter”
(LINK)
Why do I do clinical studies? Support Group(s)? TV/Radio interviews (probably the most out of my comfort zone)? Serve on Walk Committee? Help with AIM advocacy? Write this blog? Run 37 miles two days in a row like an idiot a hyper-zealous volunteer? Oh, and all of this is technically not really a part of my job (the paid part, that is…I am the IT Director and Disaster Recovery person for SeniorAge)? I am not an attention hog. I am at least as comfortable as a follower as a leader. So why?
Dementia makes me sad.
Losing my grandma and uncle partially from this makes me sad.
Losing my mom, day after day after day after day again and again makes me sad.
I guess I just wish we could turn back time, to the good old days…When our momma sang us to sleep, but now I’m stressed out….and sad (my addition). I am fine…no worry of self harm or the like. I appreciate you for thinking of that…but everyday life isn’t easy right now. I am a 50 year old man who randomly cries some days at a song or an event. Not easy in my life situation.
It also makes me worried for my family should I get it someday or should they get it. It is bad…really bad. I want it to not be a thing when they get a little older…
Younger folks are much more attuned to their emotions. My generation and older try to call them weak for expressing their emotions and/or getting therapy…and there are surely some who are whiny. However, they are a strong generation who uses all of the tools to better themselves and the world around them…and I love them.
So what am I doing? I am trying to channel my emotion into helping and serving and finding a cure. To making sense of this mess…
Not some hypothetical attempt…really trying hard to help brainy folks fix the broken brain. I have two studies in late June and one biggie in July. It helps me stay upbeat and not sad about the overwhelmingness of this situation not only for me but for millions. (Note: in Digital Cornbread, if you are new, you can feel free to add random suffixes if doing so gets the point across and/or sparks joy. 😉 )
I guess it is partially selfish because it isn’t completely altruistic. I help at least partially because it helps me emotionally. Maybe the fact that it hurts financially cancels out the benefit of the emotional healing…if I believed in some other religions, that would fit nicely like my Karma fits in the parking spot…but probably not.
Enough couch time…I need to get back to work. 🙂
Thank you for your prayer, your empathy, for your encouragement, and your friendship. You matter to me. 🙂
#EndALZ
Update: Nothing new on the mom front. I am heading there from work today to see her for a while. It has been a long weekend without visits. 🙁
Runnin’ Til I’m Purple update: Shirts are available through Friday. The fundraiser is a bit over $1000 now. 🙂 I have 12 days until day one of the event and the long range forecasts are pointing to 90s and sunny. So, if you are bored on the 20th and/or 21st and want, swing by the Frisco Highline with a Super Soaker and hose me down as I pass. 🙂 Here is the fundraiser link should you have some coin to flip the way of the cause. Every penny is VERY appreciated! (LINK) I can’t run until Friday, but will do a small one Friday, then a long one Saturday in preparation. Sunday after church too. Next week I will taper off Tue/Wed and rest, trusting that my work is good enough in preparing. I am not racing. I am not trying to win. I will, probably have to walk a decent amount, especially if my ankle isn’t 100%. However, I will do some Facebook Lives and other social media. Maybe TikTok? Maybe… We shall see.
Thank you all!
Please keep sharing these. My subscription service on the blog tends toward getting stuck in the Spam folder…so look through your Spam and mark them Not Spam so they can get their act straight. Such is the life of mass emails…the search engines try to treat them harshly until they figure out that they are legit. 🙂
