Posted 12-3-18
“Doesn’t Ring a Bell” – spoken by Pavlov, probably often…now a common phrase for forgetting or not knowing.
“Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.” – Zuzu Bailey
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This pictured ornament was one design of two of our most used store-bought decorations for the 1970s and early 80s Applegate family tree. (We also had little green disco balls). Additionally, we strung popcorn and we made construction paper linked rings to circumnavigate our tree. Good times. 🙂
I was thinking randomly about bells on the way home from visiting mom today. (Things were infinitely better today at my visit than yesterday’s trainwreck). May have been prompted by a carol I heard last night at the community Christmas service or a song on KGBX radio, I am not sure? Driving hours daily, one tends to search for thought topics…and my mind is always busy. Lol.
Lots of things not “ringing a bell” with mom, even on a good day. Pavlov used bells as stimuli for experiments to study responses among other things. Ring a bell, get some food, saliva…you remember the drill from freshman Psychology. A burgled brain has the bell ring and gets either a wrong response… or none at all. No angel getting wings. No complete path from A to B. No relaxed brain perched and ready for a fight or flight mental coin flip. Just a blank gaze angst.
Early stage Alzheimer’s in mom (the 7 or 8 years leading up to her Alzheimer’s diagnosis last fall) was not unlike our plastic ornamental Christmas bell. Looks just like a shiny green bell. Flick the bell and expect a charming ping and instead get a clack. Mom hid the extent of her memory loss better than bigfoot hides in Oregon. Calling her often, she may have repeated the story twice in a conversation, but we didn’t flick the bell enough to listen for the ring. It seemed like cute senior forgetfulness. It wasn’t until we were fortunate to visit in person more last fall when the game of memory hide-and-seek became more obvious. Pam had the heartbreaking discovery that mom had lost her name completely, when mom’s face gave her up in a way that couldn’t be understood on the phone.
Takeaway: spend time face-to-face with a relative you expect may face dementia. Play board games or cards. If there is obvious gaps or blank stares when right answers should come easily, talk to your doctor. Remember that they are also fighting the self-realization that something is wrong and they will lie (even unwittingly) to maintain the ruse. As of now it is doubtful that there are any meds out there that help patients much, but an early diagnosis helps you build a support structure and find ways to help your loved one. Knowledge is power and knowing the diagnosis is half the battle.
Lastly, don’t lose heart. When you flick the bell and, instead of getting the familiar clank you get a pristine ping, celebrate. Twice in the last year mom clearly knew my name. Soak up every moment of regained memories, for they are fleeting. And, in all situations, love them the way they are.
#EndALZ