2/6/19
I am weak but
Thou art strong
Jesus keep me from all wrong
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee
Just a closer walk with Thee
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea
Daily walking close to Thee
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Just a Closer Walk With Thee was technically released in the
early 1940s, but very similar songs by the likes of Fanny Crosby and others
date back to the 1800s.
Mom had this gem on her mind today at the piano, but was quite jumbled in her
session. It was an absolutely exhausting day today for her. Her sundowners has
been apparent the last two days leading to her crash and burn collapse into
bed.
🙁
The lyrics of that song really made me think through my current life status. Background on me: I love reading the Bible and studying (especially) the text itself and commentaries and books about it. In my spare time, I very often listen to sermons on mp3. I have a lot of head knowledge about this wonderful book. I do also have a life of ups and downs that has also furthered my heart knowledge as I learn of His faithfulness and love…but I must need more.
Bible nerd fact: Among God’s innumerable attributes are two breathtaking realities: His imminence and His transcendence. Transcendence I totally get. God is huge. He is absolutely strong, brilliant, without fault, perfect in word and deed, creative to the extreme, and boundless. I am somewhat of a wordsmith and I could never come up with enough adjectives for this aspect of Him.
The other part is where I think I subconsciously underestimate and need growth…but I am starting to grasp more and more with mom and the Sweet 17. God is imminently close. He is personal. He is right there with us. When you call Him, you don’t need an area code. (Note: Kids, before cell phones we had to add special prefixes to our phone numbers…sometimes even extra ones to get a discount on “long distance charges “. You may need to Google this stuff to follow further. Lol…sorry) He is omnipresent. He is with every single of His children closely and warmly, whether we feel it or not…or remember this truth or not.
My point? To get a closer walk with thee (Him), sometimes we have to fumble around and learn and grow in the heart knowledge that He is close and He loves us and hurts when we hurt… during very hard times. Jesus cried when his friend died (…and brought him back). He sympathizes. He feels. He is close.
I digress and inhale deeply…but in the surprisingly wise words (paraphrased) of Morgan Freeman playing God in Evan Almighty ” If you ask for patience, do you think I will give you patience, or something to be patience through?” . Want to get closer to Him and find Him even more wonderful? Brace yourself. While his quite was not necessarily a Bible verse, it is one of the two times daily a broken clock told the right time. God lets hard times happen or causes them…all with a good and perfect and loving purpose. Alzheimer’s sucks. No joking…really hard. I don’t even have it and it sucks. Took me and John 45 minutes again today to get mom to take 6 stinking but vital pills! I felt like I ran a marathon when I left there was so much angst and sadness and hurt. The picture of mom crashed tells it all. Another Sweet 17 princess is close to passing away and changing crowns. 🙁 A million caregivers are trapped at home with no help, and the one they would normally turn to is the afflicted one. The whole shootin’ match is hard. But God has a purpose for every heartache. For part of my piece of this purpose puzzle, I am growing closer to Him in heart knowledge. For others, they grow in service or in humility or in something else. For others, the good part will only happen in the Alzheimer’s-less heaven, a place with no tears. God’s love is on full display even in the worst cases in life. I see that as part of why He died as gruesomely as He did…to show He understands hardship. He could have had it easier, but chose what He chose.
Keep your heads up, caregivers and those afflicted. Someday, perhaps in heaven, it will make sense and we will see Him and His plan for the perfect masterpiece it is. Until then we learn, grow, serve and yearn.
#EndALZ