Posted 12-12-19
Happy Thursday, all! Christmas and the rest of the holiday seasons are upon us neck deep now…and I am lovin’ every second of it!! I wish I wasn’t so busy so I could truly exhale and soak it in, but that will have to wait a couple more weeks.
My only thought on our topic today is something mom said in our little visit yesterday. (BTW, she is doing fine, even in the full moon that we encountered) My stepdad and I were “late” (5pm) getting to the nursing home yesterday because I needed him to shuttle me back and forth to the car repair joint. Tempo One, a fine piece of American engineering, still needs work occasionally. (I know…who knew??? Maybe it is the 2,200 miles I have put on her in the last 25 days?) When we arrived, mom was already at the dinner table with a drink all over her lap. She digs rocking cups forward and backward to see the fluid move, and this range of motion is up to and including upside down. We cleaned her up and started dinner.
While we sat around yesterday, mid-meal and mid-Andy Griffith, a commercial came on and mom read some of the words that showed up on the screen, as she is wont to do. I wasn’t thinking anything of it until she said “Mark…three”. It caught my attention since I can’t recall the last time she said my name. Over a year to be sure… Then I looked up and it was someone on a commercial with the name Mark and the number 3 was present. I heard my name, but it wasn’t about me.
That got me thinking, if you won’t go to the nursing home to see your loved one, remember, indeed, you may or may not ever hear your name, but regardless, it isn’t about you. This disease stinks. It robs our loved ones of some of the most precious things in their memory…nearly all by the time it is over, if you will. However, it isn’t about us. It surely hurts us, but it is about them.
Please soak in any truth in this statement: As I have mentioned before, you are still “in there” (in his/her mind), if you will. You will be forever. However, the path from A to B is broken. Please think of it like this: You are so loved and such an object of safety that his or her brain put you in the category of “safe” instead of the category of “unsafe” right next to puppies, a good apple pie, the St. Louis Cardinals, asking for another card when you draw 11, and playing a favorite tune on the piano. There is nothing about you that would bring him or her into danger, so she will just “remember you that way forever” and focus on the harder things. Like a resident of the friend zone, if you will. Despite the bad rap this has received, there are worse places to be. Now, I know there are things here and there that this analogy may break down a bit, but I think, as a whole, it is sound.
Now focus on doing your best for your loved one because you know who they are. You have the memories. You have a life together. Love them. Serve them. Hug them. Temper expectations, even when a glimpse happens of the former person appears (mom saying my name even if it wasn’t…). Get up and do it all again tomorrow. He or she is worth it.
#EndALZ
Mark…Beautifully woven into our hearts. Thank you.
Thank you so much. It is the best I can do to make lemonade out of the lemons of her situation. I would love it if I walked up and she said “There is punkin'” as she used to call me, but, for now, a smile will suffice. There is time for punkins in heaven. 🙂