Posted 3-20-19
Welcome to Spring! It will be delightful to escape the blue winter and replace it with pastels and bees…ok, with pastels. We will be back today from vacation and I just wanted to make a quick point or two about “coming down from the mountain”. (Note: Cliche alert!!)
In the words of Jeanne Moreau: “The cliche is that life is a mountain. You go up, reach the top and then go down.” While the up and down the mountain metaphors have been beaten to death by years of bad youth minister illustrations, motivational speakers, and Hallmark cards, there is emotional truth to be found from thinking of life’s journey in this way.
Let’s talk about good days for you and for your loved one. When I have a good day, whether it be a nice vacation like this week or just a productive and happy day at work, I tend to let guilt set in at the end. I don’t tend to feel guilty entering or during the happier time…just after. As I mentioned in a post a couple days ago, we have to move beyond this guilt for the sake of all parties involved. The key to coming off the mountain for the vacationing caregiver is to lovingly resume your routine and make application and follow up on anything you might have learned while you were on respite. Journal during a vacation if possible, but journal after too. Remember the good times, and document them for future viewing when you feel those moments of despair, knowing that you will someday, Lord willing, return. Think Joshua and the monument the Lord told him to make in Joshua 4. Make this journal monument for you to return to in the dark times and for family and friends to do the same. Not all is bad…find your personal way to remember that.
If the fun or rewarding event was short, grasp the fleeting moment and maximize the benefit. Jot yourself a note. Keep a mood tracker and learn from it. Embrace the joy and let yourself enjoy it. 🙂 Don’t let looming sorrow override present joy.
If the good day was for your loved one with dementia/Alzheimer’s, soak it up like a sponge. Take pictures. Hug them. Celebrate with them. Teepa Snow calls the latest stage “gem” of Alzheimer’s the oyster, and when you see a glimpse of the pearl, enjoy your time there. I wish I could say to enjoy it like he or she wasn’t ill, but I can’t…yet embrace it nevertheless. The savagery for me in these good events is failing to enjoy them, trading this happiness and peace for the sandy foundation of deeply hoping the better day is permanent or somehow the beginning of a recovery. Work with what you have and enjoy it.
Version 2 of mom is great and I love the good days like we have had the last week. I and you need to remember to live in the now whether it be good days or otherwise and save the optimism for healing for eternity.
Bonus note: In the late 2000’s I ran a marathon in Maryville, Missouri. (I know, I know…hard to believe). Regardless, I still remember like it was yesterday the disconnect I had between reality and expectation. Running uphill is supposed to be the hard part and running down the easy part. Funny thing, in my experience at least, is when you get used to running, most notably uphill, in training for a marathon, it really wasn’t THAT bad. There was the burning legs, sure, but it wasn’t abnormal. I truly had a much harder time running downhill because I hadn’t really trained for that mentally and physically. (I trained quite a bit on a treadmill). Maybe this illustration doesn’t work for the real athletes among you, but it worked for me. Be prepared for the downhill run. Remember the joy of the mountaintop and look forward to the finish line…a time of no more suffering for your loved one and one in which you can look back to with some sense of joy knowing their eternal destination is amazing.
Yesterday mom was still groggy and happy-ish and I am hoping for a good report today too as I look forward to resuming my routine. 🙂
Thank you all for eating the meat and picking through the bones in this piece. We are all in this deal together.
#EndALZ