Posted 7-16-19
Building on what I talked about yesterday, a tad, is a memory unit like a prison or is it more like something else? My stepdad loves the nursing home concept for the Sweet 17 and, to a point, for mom. He likens it not to a prison at all, but to an Ark. Yes, the Noah’s boat Ark. I completely believe in a literal Noah’s Ark, as I will explain below, but is the memory unit like one? Let’s compare and contrast a bit:
Prison
- Locks
- Guards
- Basic meals…not exactly Olive Garden here…
- Rules and tight schedules
- Regulations/Government Oversight
- Uniforms
- Jailbreak situations
- Bad guards occasionally
- Few visitors
- Documentation
- Sent into solitary away from the others
- Injuries
- Deaths
Ark
- Locks
- Nurses
- Basic meals, but tailored to the needs of the resident
- Rules and tight schedules
- Regulations/Gov’t Oversight such as HIPAA, Others.
- Matching bibs
- Jailbreak situations
- Bad nurses occasionally
- Very few visitors
- Documentation/Tree killing
- Sent into the behavioral health hospital
- Injuries (Accidents)
- Deaths (100% death rate for dementia if something else doesn’t take them first)
- AND: Safety and blissful obliviousness from all of the mess that is the outside world.
So I guess I see his point based on the last little caveat. Nursing homes are certainly safer and much more shielded than living at home in a bad situation, but not all of the time. Mom was in harms way a dozen times at home despite a close watch. Those who are not diligent or who merely lock up their loved one are not seeing that they are safer than they will likely be in a facility and need to be trained on proper home care. The memory unit ladies are shielded, most of the time, from the terrible situations plaguing those outside of the Ark, if you will. However, there are far too many cases of abuse, neglect, and worse in nursing homes and other care facilities. So if it a darned if you do, darned if you don’t situation, what can you do to make home or institutional caregiving a better and less prison-like place? Here is a list:
If caregiving at home:
- Set up an appointment with your local Area Agency on Aging or your Alzheimer’s Association field office to have a home assessment visit. They will help you make your home safer than it is now and give you tips on making it even safer. Such things as cabinet locks and cameras can provide help without causing unneeded restriction.
- Request respite help from the above organizations. They often have funds to provide short-term (hours at a time, not typically days…) respite care to allow you to leave, to shop, to recharge your batteries and to live life a little.
- Seek out training. Both of the above organizations provide free or donation-based training in a host of ways and locations. They also can point you to support groups and other help to make the caregiving safer and more joyful.
- Build a support structure of people who can help you take your loved one places and do things.
If in a nursing home/memory unit:
- Visit often. The more you see your loved one and are seen by staff, the less likely they will move from loving nurse to prison guard.
- Personalize their room. We have not been as good at this as we could, but we have a lot of pictures and keepsakes (that are ok if they are “shared”)
- Get to know the staff by name and address them, lovingly, when you come.
- Never be afraid to move up the chain to get things done. That is why they make significantly more money.
- Watch and examine your loved one and report injuries and conditions. You are the one who knows your loved one best. Use that knowledge to advocate for their care, lovingly of course, when possible. Honey versus vinegar, you know…
- Learn about the disease at organizational training opportunities mentioned above.
- Prepare yourself to help even after your loved one is not with you. You can find a lot of purpose helping others through the hardships of dementia. There are all sorts of volunteer opportunities in this area.
- Pray. Love. Visit. Advocate. Fight when necessary. Hug.
A couple quick notes on Noah’s Ark:
- Noah’s Ark did NOT have “two of every animal, and seven pairs of the clean animals and flying creatures”, it had ” two of every kind of animal, and seven pairs of the clean animals and flying creatures”. What a difference a single word makes. There were 2 dogs, 2 cats, etc… Breeds and different shapes, sizes and colors of animals came over time through hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years of breeding and cross-breeding. Here is a great article explaining this in detail.
- The Ark was 510 feet long, 85 feet wide, and 51 feet high. A near exact replica was built in Kentucky.
- Here is some excellent study material on the Ark.
- In my opinion, claiming the Ark is just an story designed to teach a lesson is a slippery slope that leads to the whole book being just a story.
- There is also a fabulous museum within a drive of the Ark replica called the Creation Museum. It is truly amazing!
Update: Mom was happy and doing pretty well again yesterday. We are on a nice streak of several months since any significant downturns although she is still on a slow, steady decline. Hoping and praying for a cure. Today would be good…I can tell her myself later tonight. 🙂
#EndALZ