Posted 0-9-9-0 (Actually 9-9-19, but the first looks like a bicycle for 2:) )
The older I get, the more I realize that we really live two lives simultaneously. Not in a feline nine lives kind of way, mind you, but two nonetheless. We think we live the life we planned to live but we (really) live the life God planned for us to live all along, working within our choices. Sometimes these two competing versions intersect, or even traverse on the same path for a while and other times “our path” wanders and meanders and spins like a whirlybird around the real path of our Lord’s plans.
I got to thinking about this over the weekend, then immediately an old Nat King Cole song started playing in my head. Note: many have done versions of the gem, and they vary, but this was the one that bounced in my cavernous noggin space. Here are the words to “On a Bicycle Built for Two”:
https://genius.com/Nat-king-cole-on-a-bicycle-built-for-two-lyrics
Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer do
I’m half crazy
All for the love of you
It won’t be a stylish marriage
I can’t afford a carriage
But you’ll look sweet
Upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two
Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer do
I’m half crazy
All for the love of you
We’ll leave when the ball is over
Get married in the clover
And you’ll look sweet
Upon the seat
Of a bicycle made for two
Here is a recording of it…and another couple alternate versions as a bonus:
Examples abound. Take my life, for example. My perhaps naive view of my childhood was that it was great. Honestly, I don’t remember the “bad times” that were surely present, just the good times. I remember the joy of getting tucked in at night at my room at the end of a long hallway and hearing mom and dad belly-laughing at Johnny Carson as I snuck around and stayed awake quietly. I remember walking next door to grandma’s and raiding her fridge. I remember the ball games, the trips to the country, the camping, the laughs and the joy of childhood. That was, in my mind, how life would run forever…until it didn’t.
Divorces happened, first to my parents, then to each of them on spouse number two. My view of this at the time was that it wasn’t good at all and I just wanted my original plan back. What I didn’t know, and what the Lord did know, is that I would meet three step-sisters and a step-brother through this whirlybird season, and that I am still close to three of them now. Fast-forward a couple of years and God’s plan took shape in a great way that I could never have seen coming in the distance as a 11-year-old. Mom married my step-dad over 20 years ago and my dad married my step-mom well over 20 years ago. Somehow, working within a hard/not ideal situation, God placed a mate in each of their lives that was perfectly suited for them.
Today my stepmom and dad get along great through the joys and tragedies of life and lean on each other for strength to carry on. Both have experienced tremendous loss and, with each other’s help, they march on. I have been blessed with more step-relatives and a new extended family on her side and on my step-dad’s side as well, all in a way that demonstrates that God is both gracious and extremely loving.
A second example of how life’s path is very unexpected is my wife’s best friend in school. Since graduating, this providential trail has keep us in different cities enough that they are not as close as they used to be. Her friend was first married much later in life than we were at 19/18, then, after a short but loving and fruitful marriage, he got some dreaded words from his doctor “I can’t rule out ALS.” In a short number of months, this cherished friend lost her soulmate. Then her wonderful father passed away after a long illness. As if that wasn’t enough, she lost cherished pets who helped her through the grieving process. Gradually, day-by-day and with significant ups and downs, God is rebuilding her life. Not how she would have expected her life to go sitting in the high school hall with me and my wife in the late 1980’s, but good times will soon come again….and heaven awaits!
The last piece of unexpected providence swings us back to the first one, most notably my mom and step-dad. As I mentioned, they have been married for over 20 years. The first ten he was still working full-time, first at a manufacturing plant, then at a school. On the side, the two of them painted houses, mowed yards, tended a garden, managed rental property, helped my grandparents at the nursing home until they passed away, and went to church (during which mom realized that she wasn’t a believer despite years of going to church…and got truly saved and baptized).
Oh, they did have fun, but the real fun would have to wait until they retired, or so they thought. Then the reality struck that they/we at the time only partially understood. Around ten years ago mom was diagnosed with “a mild type of dementia” (mild-cognitive impairment). They didn’t change plans much the first five years, then began to slowly, providentially, pare back the work and have some more fun. They camped, they fished, they went on long walks. They even had a bicycle made for two that they would ride around town. (They still have that as far as I know). But, not unlike a teeter totter, as their work declined and the play started, the dementia started to get worse.
Today my step dad visits three times a day to feed mom and laugh and share stories as best he can. They are still riding the metaphorical bicycle for two, but he is doing the pedaling and steering with a little help from me, my siblings, the nursing and medical staff, and most importantly, the Lord. We have talked about this kind of thing a lot and I urge him to take a day (or at least a meal) off and let the nurses do it, but he insists that he married her in sickness and in health and this is just the “in sickness” part. Someday, we agree, we will all be members of the great marriage feast in heaven where there is no pain, no sadness and and no stinkin’ dementia. We’ll leave when the ball is over…
Update: Mom had a pretty good weekend, all things considered. It is unique to describe things this way, because it is really just this way from our perspective. She is resting in her chair or in bed all day. Her anxiety is fine, replaced by a somewhat blank stare with an occasional smile when we come by or, perhaps, in a rare moment when she dreams back to riding on her bicycle made for two.
#EndALZ
(Note if you wonder… I don’t fully understand how providence functions other than to say that God knows and guides every single thing past, present and future. In a believer’s world, Romans 8:28 applies and offers comfort. He doesn’t cause sin…we can take care of that one ourselves…but He certainly works within it to achieve His plans. The bad things that happen have a multitude of possible causes, but nothing is beyond His power nor beyond His forgiveness. Someday, in heaven, I feel like we will understand better.)
God has definitely given you a talent in writing this blog. Very interesting and thought provoking as well. Thank you for the time and effort you put into it.
Thank you Shirley! Very encouraging 🙂 I appreciate you, your prayer and your hard work/example with your husband. You are a wonderful wife to him. 🙂 Keep your head up always. 🙂