I love symmetry, uniformity and the-way-it-should-be-ness. I love it when things work out smoothly and in order. Conversely, I also love studying why this order isn’t always so. You wouldn’t always know it from my home nor my office, but it sparks me much joy when things “work out” or fit perfectly. I am not sure, as Marie Kondo would explain it, that every cell in my body is lifted up when I feel the sparker of joy, but I do find it quite groovy. Want an example? February 2nd, 2020 is long for 2*10=20 in my book. I mean, I wouldn’t consider myself someone who struggles with either apophenia or pareidolia, like perhaps Adrian Monk did among his laundry list of psychoses, but I do see real patterns where there are some to be found. (Probably thought by everyone who does struggle with these psychoses, but I digress). Regardless…boil it down to this: I dig me a good pattern and like things to work out a certain way.
Mom is in a good pattern right now. She is consistently about the same albeit in a very small, incremental decline. If vascular dementia is part of her diagnosis, this leveled off period is to be expected as will be a stair step down someday. But, for now, I know roughly what to expect when I visit every day I am fortunate to get to see her. Mixing my analogies a bit, it reminds me of the pacing I did when I ran my marathon a decade ago. I didn’t think in terms of running 26.2 miles while I was running. I thought in terms of running to the next object or mile marker. I knew all of these pieces would fir into a master puzzle and I would eventually finish. I broke it down sequentially to avoid looking at the intimidating “big picture”. I guess that isn’t really mixing my analogies after all, eh? Maybe that is the secret to living in this mess of part-time, or even full-time caregiving? Get through the day…or the hour (and all the while know that you will eventually finish). The big picture will work itself out if you can work within a million little pictures. God is clearly fond of order and is a God of means and ends…
I hope you all have a great week this week! I hope you can break down every hardship into smaller parts and make it through, knowing that there is a plan in the big picture beyond us to understand. As for me, I have several work things slated and a new snow is looming like a full moon, waiting to make for a break in routine. Mix in as much mom time as possible, and my brain may just pop like a packing peanut. 🙂
Thank you for visiting my short little piece today.