Posted 1-31-20
As the prominent member of the media that I am (clearing throat sounds), I feel obligated to make my readers aware of the next big health scare facing America: OWLS FLU!!!!! I realize that the CoronaVirus is the disease scare du jour, but that makes me all the more want to scream from the housetops that you are missing the much bigger problem while chasing this one.
My proof:
On the CoronaVirus side: According to Lexico, the Oxford online dictionary, a Corona is defined “The rarefied gaseous envelope of the sun and other stars. The sun’s corona is normally visible only during a total solar eclipse, when it is seen as an irregularly shaped pearly glow surrounding the darkened disk of the moon.” For the less scientifically-inclined, let me, an esteemed member of the media and science community, break this down for you: 1. rarefied gaseous envelopes are what we are seeing from the Trump Impeachment sessions from both sides. Kind of a large, tooting sound like the viral Hippo toot videos that were all the rage a few years ago. (Google them…I am an esteemed member of the media. I won’t stoop that low for a laugh……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………OK. My constituency requires it.);
and proof 2. (as if 1 wasn’t 2 enough for you) “normally visible only during a total solar eclipse” is a somewhat contradictory statement from #1 which happens all of the time…but it means super rare!!! Therefore, Corona could be said to mean “Lots of hot air that seems really important and everywhere but rarely really shows up for long”. Therefore a CoronaVirus is just one of a long list of health scares that proved to be hot air…”much ado about nuttin'” as Shakespeare’s Grandma would have said!. Bird Flu, Swine Flu, SARS, vaccinating, not vaccinating (Ok…that one maybe…), humidifiers, fats, diet drinks, steaks…they are all killers…until they fade away and nobody thinks about them anymore. Much ado about nuttin’, I say!
OK, OK, OK!!!!! media professional Mark…what is the deal with the Owl flu? I have never even heard of it!!!! I even Googled it and all I see is that a few owls died of bird flu a decade ago, that Owl Pharmacy has Alka-Seltzer on sale, and a cute kids book called Mystery of the Pink Owl Flu. There is nothing there to scare me even a little about Owl flu killing me! Sheesh! #FakeNews
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(waiting for a response….)
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OK, reader, first…it isn’t Owl Flu, it is OWLS flu. It is important to get your facts straight. (Twitter war ensues, names are called, jobs are threatened, boycotts arranged…all in the background).
Here are the simple stats of OWLS flu. As a right-leaning news channel says (paraphrased), I report, you decide.
OWLS Flu:
An estimated 5.8 million Americans of all ages are living with this ailment in 2019. This number includes an estimated 5.6 million people age 65 and older and approximately 200,000 individuals under age 65 who have the younger-onset version.
- One in 10 people age 65 and older (10 percent) has it.
- Almost two-thirds of Americans with it are women.
- Older African-Americans are about twice as likely to have it or other variants as older whites.
- Hispanics are about one and one-half times as likely to have it as older whites.
As the number of older Americans grows rapidly, so too will the number of new and existing cases of this disease! By 2050, the number of people age 65 and older with it may grow to a projected 13.8 million, barring the development of medical breakthroughs to prevent, slow or cure this horrific mess.
Catch your attention yet???
“Geesh”, you might say, “Something must be done!” We can’t just stand here and let OWLS flu kill millions! Let’s mobilize! Have a benefit concert! Maybe a benefit walk? This information absolutely dwarfs the handful of people with the previously most recent worldwide killer scare…and it is really happening?!?!
Fortunately there is lots you can do. You can serve folks with the disease (Oddly, it is a non-contagious flu that is still spreading like wildfire…no worries there). You can donate to the cause. You can plan events and volunteer. You can help support agencies. Lots of options to help! Let’s start today! Here is your website link:
and here is the reference for the facts and figures I gave you:
#EndOWLS #StopOWLS #GiveAHoot
Join the fight to End OWLS…
uhhh…errr….wait…(shuffling paper sounds, expletive spoken quietly) ……ALZ today! (Oh my…I may have misnamed this killer?!? Oh well, they won’t even notice.)
(Note: I am not responsible for this viral video about the OWLS scare)
Update: Mom was super happy yesterday. I and my sis get to see her in the next couple of days. I am hoping and praying that some of the new med classes that are going under trial right now arrive in time for mom and the Sweet 17. It is hard not to get your hopes up, but I am realistic too. Whooooooo is paying attention to this disease with me? Let’s fight to end it today! There is nothing funny about it!
Note: Alz is NOT contagious…. Sorry…I know….
Final note: I do care about the CoronaVirus. It is real and it is tragic that people are and will die from this disease. I feel for the 200 that have died and their families and I have prayed for them and will continue to. 🙁 However, at the end of the day, folks will mobilize, patients will be treated with meds and quarantined, like always, and it will fade away like the rest. Meanwhile…Alzheimer’s and related dementias keep growing and killing with no end in sight.