Posted the first day of 20/20
I hate glasses at least as much as Oprah loves bread. I don’t hate glasses on others, mind you…just on me. I like what they do. They make my friends and my family and Velma and, most importantly, my wife see.
Glasses add distinction to the smart, edginess to fighter pilots, sexiness to my smoking hot wife ( I write this part because it is true and because she probably won’t see it and beat me up for it) and it adds nerdiness to people like me…but not me. Not because I am not a nerd. (Duhhhh is the word that comes to mind.) I just cannot wear glasses for some reason. I am destined to be Mr. Blur! I need them. I have 20/80 vision on a good day, soaking wet and on my tiptoes. My driver’s license implies that I must wear them (shhhhhh!). However, for some strange reason, I have bought about 6 pairs of glasses and none of them “worked” well enough to prevent a headache from their utter failure. Here is how it plays out:
Doctor: “Ok, sit down in the chair and place your chin on the little strap while I calibrate the lenses”.
Me: “Sounds Great! I know the drill!!”
Doctor: “OK, now…. does THIS look better or This?”
Me: “Yes”
Doctor, somewhat annoyed after a long day: “No. I mean which looks better?”
Me: “Gotcha. Try again.”
Doctor: “Ok, THIS or THIS?”
Me: “But they both look great!”
Doctor: “But which is better?”
Me: “(unsure) I guess maybe the second one?!?”
Doctor: “Ok, now which one?”
Me: “The first one that time!”
Doctor: “(Angry because he hadn’t changed them yet and reaching for a tack hammer…) OK, now which one?”
Me: “They are pretty much the same. Both look great”
Doctor: “(Considering harm to my person, knowing he was using unmagnified lenses to test to see if I was taking it seriously) Are you sure???”
Me: “Let me see them again. I want to get this right”.
Thirty minutes of back-and-forth later we agree that we have the right set of prescriptions since my eyes are different. A week later I get a stinkin’ pop bottle lens on one side and a rose-colored uber-wafer-thin lens in the other. We try them out, adjust them for my strangely crooked nose, and off I go. “It takes a while to get used to them” is the last thing I hear as I leave. A week later they are back in their case jammed to the back of my desk next to the business cards of people I don’t like and a somewhat fuzzy and unfortunately missed Tootsie Roll.
I need glasses. My vision is askew. It varies, too, which may be why my glasses are so hard to fit. Some days I see clearly and others everything has a haze to it. Driving at night is a pain too. I just can’t figure out how to get from point A to B.
With mom, I am just struggling a bit today at the threshold of a new year. I am far from 20/20 on this one… I struggle because mom is dying but she seems like there is hope. She is happy and still fighting for her life. I guess I just can’t get my mind via my eyes, wrapped around/focused on her dying. It is pretty likely this is the year she gets her wings, if you will….and I hate it! Maybe I cannot get my eyes focused on this reality because it hasn’t sunk in? I know it isn’t in my nature nature to be a Pollyanna. I am probably the most risk-averse person you know. I hate conflict and I hate even more loss, whether from losing something or from an unforeseen liability. I think things through. However, with mom, I am struggling with my vision like never before. I think it is just wishful thinking. 🙁 Cures and treatments exist already…we just have to find them and make them available. Some untested toad tongue, tulip or toxicly non-toxic treasure will fix this mess for all of us. BUT we just can’t see it yet.
So, be patient with me as we enter our “A+ on the eye chart” year. My vision of mom’s situation and just how to fix it for her and for you is blurry. I want to see through rose-colored glasses…I really do…but I must be realistic. This blog helps me stay focused on the things I can do until things become more clear. Thank you for enduring the blog’s ups and downs, the 20/20s and the 20/120s of my tear-filled vision and the sad tone of this piece. We’ll work this thing out someday. Until then, we do our thing and fight to #EndALZ.
Update: Mom is doing well again. A far cry…or a short cry… if you will, from last New Year’s challenges. All my siblings and I get to hang with mom this weekend some. That is always a blessing. 🙂