Posted 10/8/21
The LORD said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.” – Joshua 10:8
There is much ado about pronouns these days, but, today, I submit to you most of my sometimes-preferred, yet nearly always accurate verbs:
A Too-Fast-Life’s Random Verbs:
past and present and future
Marveling at how amazing and patient my family is, both in my home and my extended and church families
Celebrating 31 years of marriage in a couple of weeks with the most beautiful and loving woman on Earth
Searching for a replacement for the mom-shaped void in my life in wisdom, love, strength, and humor
Yo-Yoing in my weight as I wax and wane in my effort to lose weight and fight not caring for myself
Appreciating my amazing 80-year-old father and his amazing journey and learning from him often
Studying dementia and volunteering however I can to try to make sense of this incurable disease
Scouring the internet for signs of a cure while getting frustrated by snake oil salesmen’s hawking
Learning and growing in a tech field dominated by people 40 percent of my age…and doing fine
Integrating Weight Watchers into my life, long-term, not only into the weight loss portion of it
Worrying that culture is changing irreparably in such a way that things can never be the same
Conversing cordially with my two cats, knowing they are plotting to storm the wet food stash
Trusting that God CAN cure this disease and that He has a plan for our good in the meantime
Driving three cars worth a combined value of $3000 to avoid car payments and full coverage
Putt-putting down the road in these cars for hours & hours each week listening to podcasts
Loving my wife and three amazing kids, imperfectly, but with all of the effort I can muster
Serving God, also quite imperfectly, knowing the good in me is Him & the rest is just me
Educating myself beyond my job need, partially to windmill joust my ugly student loans
Engorging myself in Grandma’s last (?)Thanksgiving dinner, wishing it would never end
Dreaming and clinging to major league baseball dreams as an untalented little leaguer
Steeling my resolve as I fight food addiction through seasons with little accountability
Gazing heavenward, knowing that this dementia/other disease-ridden world will pass
Providing for my family, occasionally in a bucket with more holes than filling spoons
Offering my body to dementia clinical trials because it is the only way to find a cure
Building a sandcastle on a black-flagged beach, determined to make the most of it
Blogging Digital Cornbread and Runnin’ Til I’m Purple as a catharsis to fight gloom
Running to avoid thinking about what has me worn out mentally and emotionally
Making ends meet at least as well as making two positive poles of magnets meet
Holding back tears because there’s no cryin’ in baseball..or in life as a 50 YO dude
Sitting alone…waiting, yet again… for the kids to visit, but knowing they are busy
Losing myself in the digital maze of social media memes, videos, and blog posts
Listening to the incessant beeps of the hospital monitors, praying they continue
Consuming my favorite music far too loudly and singing it like a howler monkey
Surrendering rather than Braveheart-fighting enough for the love of my lifetime
Crying out to God in desperation, knowing that all timing is in His providence
Opening presents Christmas morning with a semi-grateful, reckless abandon
Serving in a long working life in exchange for far too few years in retirement
Toe-tapping to music, digital and live, and always appreciating the joy of art
Bobbing and weaving to avoid an ever-present porch spider web’s face trap
Growing patience through the many opportunities to be patient these days
Setting the hook and nearly ripping the fish’s lips off at the very first nibble
Eating as a poor replacement idol for disciplines that grow me as a person
Seeing mentors and friends pass away as time continues to go by quickly
Pre-grieving mom’s dementia demise yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily
Stressing about things out of my control while not about things that are
Shoehorning many analogies and acronyms and similes here and there
Binging Netflix in some spare time when I should be being productive
Collecting job skills and life experiences like stars collect love children
Reliving many past glories, but forgetting what is real and what is not
Replaying in my mind all of those many things that I said/didn’t say
Evaluating my hairline and considering the come-over bogey point
Daydreaming, seeing my kids grow up, find themselves & a career
Organizing my desk and my life like Radar O’Reilly did in M.A.S.H.
Balancing home-life, work-life, caregiving life, and the rest poorly
Growing closer to my siblings through sharing mom’s challenges
Wondering when I will become fluent in my wife’s love language
Wishing my baby would stop crying long enough for all to sleep
Making jokes at quite inopportune times when I don’t cope well
Keeping busy on good things at the expense of the best things
Inhaling the smell of a fresh-cut lawn through my Covid mask
Buying a fishing license while never having time to catch fish
Clamoring for kudos from man (often) more than from God
Feeling guilty for my time wasted, neglected, or simply lost
Judging my caregiving skill harshly but my effort, less so
Watching my stepdad bravely cope with mom’s pre-loss
Meme-ing…or meming? Making up Cornbread words.
Balancing grace, love, and Law in parenting my 3 kids
Missing the vacation even before the vacation is over
Appearing on TV with my radio-suitable appearance
Thinking that it takes a vacation to find everyday joy
Donating plasma to have a weekending slush fund
Hoping to pass my Christian values to my kids, but
Knowing that culture gets more time with them
Expecting a white Promise Garden flower soon
Peeing at 3am…getting older isn’t always ideal
Prioritizing efficiency over creativity/accuracy
Hearing the clock ticking on yet another day
Accepting that the kids all grew up quickly
Raging at that stupid driver in front of me
Accepting the answer No from God often
Picking unripe love, joy, peace, patience
Keeping the plates spinnin’, sorta well
Wallowing in somewhat deserved pity
Counting only my obvious blessings
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
Blasting through day-after-day
Lamenting unanswered calls
Dreaming of the simple life
Missing how it used to be
Carrying caregiver guilt
Avoiding being present
Longing for Fall colors
Requesting more time
Wanting 2 #EndALZ
Glorifying the past
Hating dementia
Overthinking all
Overworking
Wearing out
Needing Zs
Praying
Trying
Spent
Done
Sob
Do
.
Update: I had a nice visit with mom Thursday. She smiled and was aware more than most days and I was blessed. The picture doesn’t do her awareness justice, but she was more present than she has been for a month or better. 🙂 We got word of yet more Covid positives, so we will be visiting in the snow soon…but it is what it is…we will work within what we are given until all is well. We are still debating moving her, but all she knows in routine and in people, minus us to a point, is there. I am just not sure moving her would be good. I am still praying about it and covet your petitions for wisdom.
Runnin’ Til I’m Purple Update- I have a three-day weekend this weekend thanks to the discoverer of America. I plan on running all three days. If you missed it, my run in June to support the Alzheimer’s Association, SeniorAge, and likely 2 more non-profits related to dementia, will now be different. There was no path from the trailhead to Chesapeake. Therefore Day 1 I will run the Frisco Highline Trail…and on Day 2 I will run back. 37×2 miles… I have a lot of training to do to get ready…….
#EndALZ
#RunninTilImPurple