Posted 7/1/20
“LORD my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me from all who pursue me, or they will tear me apart like a lion and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me.” Psalm 7:1-2
Mom is a happy person, even now. Her mom was also a happy person. Grandma’s nickname was Happy and she lived up to the name…and mom followed in her mom’s footsteps. Did that mean she is perpetually happy or even often happy? Not exactly, but she tends to find light where there is dark, so I would say it qualifies.
I was thinking back as I drove to work about my mom and dad still being married….waaaaay back when. I remember an epic family story from those days that you may or may not want to read if you are currently eating:
My dad worked nights. He was a postal worker and worked many, many nights and still woke up and spent time with us before starting the process all over again sooner than later.
Mom long struggled with her teeth as a kid…and having a very tight father. Far earlier than she should have, mom found herself facing the choice of dentures or several expensive dental procedures and, having minimal expendable money, opted for the former. She labored with these things for decades until about a year ago when we retired them. (Lots of funny articles about her teeth in the early days of this blog).
How do these seeming odd reference points make a story? I am sorry in advance:
One stormy weekend night, my dad, a perpetual storm chaser and former ambulance driver, was startled by the weather. I assume mom was already awake with us kids because dad rolled out of the bed on the opposite side of the bed than normal. Stumbling, groggy from a 60+ hour work week, and sans-coffee, dad reached over to fumble for his glasses. They were not on the nightstand, but he did find a drink. Upon taking a big swig, dad discovered that he was chugging mom’s denture container!! His STARTLED howl was a scarier sound than the thunder…then we all ended up getting a laugh. What thunder?? Soon we all slept with a smile…
So…how do we learn to turn adversity into laughter? How do we spin the “obviously bad” into the “at least it’s funny” or at least the “It could be worse…”? Here are a few thoughts from someone who has mixed skill in this area but has watched it modeled often:
See the big picture. The cruddy event will pass. They always seem to end up in our rear view mirror. Think of the many good things that have sandwiched the stinker.
Try. Easier said than done, blog boy. I get it. But laughing in the face of adversity can be learned. I am not telling you to live in denial, nor am I promoting cognitive dissonance. I am telling you to look hard for silver linings. Take a break. Deep cleansing breaths. You may just have to laugh at the situation like Tom Hanks and Chris Farley did here and have others question your coping…but it helps:
Adjust expectations. Sometimes adversity makes us lose our joy because we expect only good times. That is what the plastic preacher on TV promised, so it must be true, right? Nope. We will have challenges…lots of them. We simply have to embrace the notion that life will be a roller coaster and is more good than bad…then look forward to the life to come.
Reconnect with your Creator. Spend some time in the Psalms. Like today’s Psalm above, there are many that show David or another Psalm writer’s perpetual reliance on Christ in the face of a gallon jug full of false teeth next to their the bed. The Psalms hit our pain at a million angles and do great things for changing our outlook.
Talk nice to yourself. I realize that talking to yourself has stigmas that point to mental illness, but that is a shame. Everyone has self-talk, if you will, even if just in your mind. If you dwell on the negative of a situation, or focus on worst-case outcomes, expect it to be hard to be resilient. Instead, when you catch yourself being down, give yourself a pep talk. Things will get better… A little self-doubt builds adversity…a lot builds despair.
Lift up others. You know what helps me feel better when times are hard? Helping others. Helping others helps me too. It dries up my pity party puddle and helps me see that bad situations can improve. And, while I don’t believe in karma from a religious sense, it does seem that good things happen when you are good to your fellow man. Add to this “lifting up” in the prayer sense too. Reconnecting to God in praying for someone in need retrains the mind away from the problem and back to the source of all joy.
Exercise. Exercising helps you stay positive and keep a happier outlook. The combination of chemical reactions and the resulting healthier body can make a bigger difference than you realize as you work through the challenges of life.
Drink it up. No…don’t drink more of the denture water on purpose. Instead, drink up by celebrating the hardship knowing that you will be made stronger and can grow closer to the Lord through the challenge and know that your Creator loves you deeply. James 1:2-4 helps in this area, saying “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Is this easy? Nope. Do I do great at it? Some days…and then there are the other days. BUT…I am slowly getting better and I hope you can too. Life is hard these days. We need others to laugh with when we drink the inevitable denture water of life. Let’s be that person for many. There are millions of folks caring for people with dementia. Millions. There are also millions who have relatives with the disease who have given up and walked away because of the despair. We all know who some of both of these groups. Maybe they need to know that there are alternatives to despair in these times? Let’s help us, then help them…
#EndALZ
Update: We had a nice visit with mom this morning. All seems about the same other than her hands were a little off-color for her. The picture doesn’t show it…a little red/blue more than typical. My stepdad, my brother, his son and his son (mom’s great-grandson) were all there and she seemed genuinely happy to see us. The talking was sparse, but the smiling was there. Mom is still happy and fighting for all she is worth…and I always love to see her even if masked and 6′ apart. 🙂
Dad Joke of the day: “How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
Good uplifting advice in this time of unrest and uncertainty. God surely is in control.
Thank you! 🙂 I trust in the Sovereignty of God and know that His plan works for my good and His Glory.
Your mom looks good! Thank you always Mark for taking us on this journey with you.
Thank you very much! 🙂