Posted April Fool’s Day, 2020
Happy April Fool’s Day all! May the worst you get at your house be a fake rubber vomit. (Note: This COVID-19 junk is a big, stinkin’ joke… enough to go around…)
We have always been fun-loving family. Practical jokes have been a mainstay for years with us. My earliest practical joke memory is rubberbanding the squirter hose thing on the sink so that it shot mom and/or a sibling when they pulled the handle to get water, although other jokes were common as well. Mom was a good sport and could hold her own in the joke world, thank you very much.
One of my favorite practical jokes happened 32 years ago while I was in high school… and mom didn’t approve (although she didn’t punish me for missing school and, therefore, passively approved). My friends and I stole my friend Paul’s car keys from his locker and then snuck out of school and stole his car. We hid it in a secure, undisclosed location and set up an elaborate scavenger hunt arrangement to find its location. Our school newspaper editor was a very willing accomplice as well, and documented every step with his non-color camera, developing the pictures at the end for posterity.
Stop 1: The feminine hygiene department of the Ramey’s grocery store. We had a great snapshot of Paul holding an unfortunate product with the next clue taped to its bottom.
Stop 2: Off to Wal-Mart and the undergarments section where the next clue was secured.
Stop 3: The ladies bathroom at Pizza Hut.
Stop 4: A fish tank at the library.
Stop 5: The Tornado slide at the city park.
Final stop: The police impound lot where his car resided, safe and secure. Lots of pictures and memories.
Paul didn’t take this hunt laying down. The next day I walked out to my car to find it covered in Oreos, mushy side down. The heat had melted many of them and left slug trails as they oozed off onto the ground. I am sure my paint job was never the same, but it was worth it.
Oh, but the joke strand couldn’t be left there. Nooooo. Both of us, at about the same time, discovered the merits of putting each other on junk mail lists (the 1980’s equivalent to robocalls). I Mario-ified Paul’s name to Paloris Manessi so that he would know that I had subscribed to the junk mail. He called military recruiters and asked them to call me. I called members of different religions and had them visit Paul. This continued for a couple of years. The most terrifying joke in the mix was one that was actually pretty close to happening, but was thwarted. I mailed off an application for Paul to receive a free-range horse for adoption through the U.S. Department of Interior’s Adopt-a-Horse program. Paul’s apartment complex manager might have rejected Mr. Ed living in Paul’s living room…
Then there is the jokes we played on others. My best friends, Paul, David, Tyler, Kip, Gerald, and occasionally others would also periodically go on a fake barf spree. Fake bark, you ask? Yup. Driving throughout Springfield, we would have a can of either cream corn or fruit cocktail handy, spoon some in our mouth and chew it up. Then, at an opportune time—typically at a stoplight or at a fast food restaurant in the drive thru, by the dining room window— we would hang out of the car and pretend to throw up said mouth contents. The horrified onlooker would get sick…or mad. Oh the little things in the life of a 16-year-old that really stick with us…
Well, the joke’s on us these days, being locked away…working from home or away from most of our peers. Many, like me, have cabin-fever something fierce these days. Take some time, while you are stuck doing nothing anyway, to write down the stories of your youth. List the good, the bad, and the ugly. I know, I know…you won’t forget them… That’s what mom might have said a few years ago. Do it for yourself and do it for your family who will live on. This is sooooo important. I would kill for more of mom’s stories… I would kill for some of the Sweet 17’s stories too. Unfortunately, many of them will die alone and their stories will die as well. 🙁
#EndALZ
Update: Had a nice Facetime with mom and my sister. It clearly isn’t the same…but it is better than nothing. 🙁 She kind of gets it for a while, but loses focus often. She seemed a little better than a few days ago, but it is hard tellin’. Stinkin’ disease!
Note: I don’t call these articles Shawshank Re:Dementia because I feel that mom is being inappropriately kept from us. Not at all. These folks are the most likely, as we have seen, to die of COVID-19. I will be more mad if they let people in too soon… I also worry for the staff.
Last thought: Thank you to all who have donated to SeniorAge. We, with the help of your donations and a couple of generous grants, have increased our monthly meal production for seniors by over 20,000/week!!! 20,000+ more seniors’ meals covered such that they can reserve money for other needs in these times…like staying safe. Thank you, thank you, thank you and keep’em coming! 🙂