Posted 1/22/21
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1Peter 1:22
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22
Another week pretty much in the can. The pandemic vaccines are slowly, but slowly getting out there. My mom’s nursing home, despite 90+% of residents and a piddly 40% of staff having the first dose of the vaccine, had 2 new COVID cases this week, resetting our Shawshank lockdown timer for at least 30 more days. Heck, after 317 days, what is another 30?? We’ll be to a year quite soon. I don’t blame it on them… Honestly, I blame it more on our lawsuit crazy and political culture. The lawsuits will be flying soon, I suspect, unless there are moratoriums on them. Can’t you hear the ambulance chaser commercials in your head now??? “If your loved one developed COVID in a nursing home, you may be entitled to significant compensation…” 🙁 Sigh. Better call Saul. Oh, and the politics that still says it is fake. 🙁 Sigh….I feel for the conscientious staff members who are punished with test after test and death after death because a few won’t abide by the rules… and we all end up suffering. I pray for the administrators and leadership who have to make very hard choices between the devil they see (COVID), and the devil most don’t see (death by isolation). Blame everywhere…and God Himself is in charge and either causes or allows it, for His purpose and Glory. It is hard to accept, but I accept it imperfectly and humbly.
This topic of blame is what I want to touch on briefly. This is one of those things that you and I need to repeat to ourselves over and over: The disease is the problem, not our loved one.
Think of your loved one as a glove.
For 40-100 years they were the hand that filled that glove. Every OK symbol, I Love You symbol, every time they make a rude hand gesture to the idiot that is driving 47 MPH in the fast lane (sorry…that was probably me), it was them animating the glove. Every single time. Sure, they may have had help (spiritual, chemical, minor health help) in their choices, but for the most part, they were the hand in the glove.
Then along came dementia and removed their hand and hopped in instead. There is a constant fight, but the dementia, more often than not, wins that thumb (and the rest of the fingers) wrestle.
So:
- When your church mouse momma tell you that you are a @#$% because you tried to keep her safe, it was not your loved one, but the disease that filled the glove…
- When he threatens to call the police because you stole his 1957 Chevy…the one they sold 30 years ago…it was not your loved one, but the disease that filled the glove…
- When she forgets your name…it was not your loved one, but the disease that filled the glove…
- When he takes a swing at you for trying to help with his bath to keep him safe, it was not your loved one, but the disease that filled the glove…
- When she tells you to “just go away”, it was not your loved one, but the disease that filled the glove…
- When he asks how his (long deceased) parents are doing (and you tell him “Never better!!” instead of re-breaking the bad news) it was not your loved one, but the disease that filled the glove…
Life is full of blame. Nobody these days wants to take responsibility for anything. I get it…I do. I have a TV and internet connection. I watch the same things you do. But this is one time when it is safe to point blame on something/someone else. The disease causes this mess. Sure there are lots of pieces of the puzzle…life choices that hindered prevention, God’s Sovereign will that will never be thwarted, the devil’s desire to steal, kill, and destroy, and the rest…but the vehicle used…the hand that fits in the glove, regardless what that looks like, is external…and savage. I hate dementia. I really do. Watching videos like this first shakes my faith and then strengthens it all the more:
We are called to submit to the bigger plan, even when it is hard…desperately hard.
We are called to seek out the occasional former finger that moves part of the glove…and rejoice in that. There will be glimpses of the old if you look for them…
We are called to hold the hand of the glove when times are hard and it feels like someone else’s hand.
We are called to grasp hands together in prayer and always remember that there is a day…a sweet day…an amazing day ahead when the former but renewed hand will return and when sin, death and the devil will be vanquished forever. Until then, we fight. We advocate. We pray. We serve. We LOVE. We give. We expect. We hope. We trust…and we never give up. Ever.
#EndALZ
Update: Not much to report. Mom lost 3 pounds since our last care meeting and has had some wheezing problems. They put her on an inhaler to assist. It could be a cold, it could be aspirating food or drinks, or it could be COPD. Her mom (my grandma) died of a combo of dementia and congestive heart failure, so we watch things as close as we can and look for symptom fixers where we can find them…