Posted on what used to be called Tax Day
Happy Tax Hump Day, All! Tired of social distancing yet? Yup…me too. While I have worked from home off and on amongst the million things I have done professionally , I am better suited to work with people. Oh, and it is kind of nice that Tax Day was extended until July 15th this year although my bill was small so I already sent it in. But Tax Day, whenever it falls, reminds me a lot of dementia. 🙂 How so? I am glad you asked!
Ten Things We Can Learn About Dementia From Paying 2019-20 Taxes
- Change happens. Our Tax Day changed this year for the first time in my life (aside from the typical “Oh crud, April 15th is on a Sunday this year. What in the world do we do now???). In dementia, symptom change is sometimes slower, sometimes faster, but it happens. (The speed at which symptoms change depends on what type of dementia and what part of the brain is being harmed.) Some live a year, some 20 or more. Get ready for change…it is going to happen.
- Change stinks. OK. Getting a few extra months to pay taxes doesn’t completely stink. However, when you gather everything, pay your TaxAct fee and prep for a long day of calculating, then find out that you have a few extra months, it is frustrating. In dementia, most notably in the memory unit, change causes train wrecks. Mom and the Sweet 17 did pretty darn good when they were in a routine–a set schedule. Throw in a holiday with 30 visitors, moved furniture, balloons, loud kids and the like and things got all sorts of out of whack, and it would last for a few days after.
- One man’s underwear is another’s tax deduction. In 1994, long before Monica lit up the news, Bill Clinton had a tax scandal that the media ate up. When the president had completed his taxes, he had allowed himself deductions of $4/pair for used underwear and $12 per used long john that he had donated to the Salvation Army/Goodwill. I guess value of things is relative. In the memory unit this is certainly so. The things the Sweet 17 valued above the rest: pudding, Andy Griffith, “You are my Sunshine”, any Hymn played on the piano, freedom to enter any room at any time of day, and coffee….sweet coffee. Things less valued: money, jewelry, having one’s own teeth in.
- Late nights. When I was in business, there were times that taxes made me stay up late at night. Whether worrying about how to pay them or figuring my part of paying them, the resulting headache proved that we really needed an accountant to do the day-to-day worrying about that mess. Late/Long nights are also a facet of dementia. Patients are not pacing back and forth worrying about their depreciation tables, they are worried about their memory. Sundowning is when a patient gets days and nights confused, for a variety of reasons, and is up all night. It is a very hard thing for a caregiver to address and can lead to anxiety, falls, and a host of other problems.
- Word salad. You ever read tax law? Ever even read the instructions to file your taxes? I have an MBA. I am not a genius, but I ain’t no dummy neither. 😉 But, when I read tax stuff, my eyes glaze over like Krispy Kremes. The words are words, they just don’t make sense. Sadly, as our disease progresses, words get jumbled more and more into what has been called word salad. The words are usually familiar, just not in that context. And…it is very hard.
- Hope. Did you know that you can still contribute to your IRA up to April 15th of the next year to reduce your taxes. (Consult your tax person…) There is still hope to avoid paying a large tax bill, even after it seems bleak. There is also hope in dementia. Thousands of the most brilliant folks in society are trying day-and-night to find a cure. Billions are being raised. Lots of folks are in clinical trials. There is hope…even after it seems too late. (Easter is also a great picture of Hope when all seems lost).
- Payments are accepted, but the bills will keep coming. If you cannot pay your complete tax bill by
April 15thJuly 15th at midnight, you can arrange a payment plan. However, the next year’s taxes are coming and all of the rest of your bills as well. It is safer to beat them down as fast as humanly possible. Nursing homes may take payments, but they are also willing to evict for non-payment. Regardless of your ability or non-ability to pay, my advice is very simple when it comes to care costs. Very simple. Cough up the money, if at all possible, and pay an elder law lawyer to guide you through. There are devices called Medicaid-approved annuities and Medicaid-approved promissory notes that can and will allow you to shield assets while still utilizing Medicaid. An elder law lawyer can explain them and help you do what you can to legally support your loved one and yourself. I can’t emphasize this enough. - Reputations are often unfair. Most believe nursing homes are extremely undesirable locations to live out one’s days. Others think the employees are not usually good… or worse. I think these two are unfair. First, the second. Nursing home employees, like all professions, have bad apples. Yup. Lots…because they have lots of employees. They do NOT pay their staff’s enough… period…but especially considering the challenge of the job. Often an employee make more money asking every drive-thru customer if they would like a hot apple pie with that Happy Meal than they do having food or worse thrown at them by folks with dementia…and that is the easiest thing they deal with. As to the nursing home as a bad place to live out your days… First, SeniorAge recognizes (and I agree) that in most cases the best situation is that everyone be able to live at home until they cannot do so any more. Some, though, have no family, no support network, are ill, and have a lot of isolation in their everyday life. One fall, one spike in illness, and nobody will know. While the Alzheimer’s Association, SeniorAge and other Agencies on Aging can help with these issues, some are beyond helping. A nursing home provides them with healthcare, activities, healthy food, and companionship options. To me, in many cases, the loneliness and fear associated with being alone and unprepared is worse than the sterile, sometimes less-than-good arrangement at a nursing home.
- There is usually a catch. The upcoming economic impact (stimulus) checks are being routed through the IRS in the upcoming weeks. Here is their link. Seems awesome! I get $2400 because the virus came through?!?! Sweet!!!!!!!! I think I will
take a vacationbuy a really crappy used car with it. My 17- and 19-year olds, in school, will get $500 apiece too, right??? Nope. They are too old and are not working. (A catch.) Oh well, $2400! Yup, but the US borrowed this money from China and 10,000,000 bondholders who will soon require higher interest rates. Inflation is coming soon, and in spades. Sigh… there was a catch! It may soon cost $2400 to buy a Happy Meal. In dementia, the catch is more subtle. To me, the catch represents lucidity with mom. Especially a year, a year-and-a-half ago, but occasionally today, mom has a lucid thought stream. A statement pulled from thin air that sounds like she did before the dementia monster visited. What is the “catch” with this? Hope. Unfounded hope, stated better. It makes me sad, after accepting the new normal to see the old normal even for a minute. Like eating a piece of steak after eating tofu steak for months. I might have grown to like tofu very, very much, thank you…but there is no foolin’ here. One version of mom is easier than the other. I acknowledge this goes against a lot of what I write, but I am being honestly transparent here…I do miss the old mom. 🙁 - Relief. I know taxes suck! I do. I really, really do. However, there is something satisfying about dropping by the check at 11:59 pm on
April 15thJuly 15th and being done with it, isn’t there? (It helps me to whisper ” I hope you choke on this like a bite of tofu steak” silently, to myself, as I hand over the check to the post office…but I digress.). In dementia, relief is coming, folks. There is relief now. Millions are in the same boat and we can all help each other. We can pray for each other. We can provide respite for each other. It is hard…very hard. Corporate income tax hard. But, as a team, we can provide a modicum of relief today. However, there is also faith. See, my mom is a believer. She placed her faith and her life in Christ’s camp and leans on Him daily. She isn’t/wasn’t perfect, but she is forgiven. There is relief in sight for her in an eternal heaven that has no death, no taxes, and no stinkin’ dementia…
#EndALZ
Update: We had a nice Facetime with mom yesterday and I will be right back again tomorrow. This dementia thing sure is taxing on mom…you can see it in her eyes.
