Posted For 20/20
Hi all! Happy Monday to you!! Day 38 of being locked out from the nursing home…with mom in “the hole”. I don’t blame them at all, but it is very sad.
🙁
Today is 4/20, a date that means little to most …unless you study history and know that Hitler’s birthday was today or you study pop culture and know that the kids refer to today as “Weed Day” referencing smoking marijuana. Leaving my disdain for CBD oil aside, I think of today instead more like it could be listed like above above: 4/20/20…a.k.a….for 20/20 (vision). Being one of poor vision, I celebrate this 20/20 day by offering you an odd little piece, thusly:
Top Ten Things You Can Learn About Dementia from Some of My Favorite Movie Lines re: Seeing/Vision
10: From The Land Before Time (1988). One of my kiddos favorites, back in the day… 🙂
Littlefoot: Have you ever seen the Great Valley?
Littlefoot’s Mother: No.
Littlefoot: Well, how do you know it’s really there?
Littlefoot’s Mother: Some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart.
Littlefoot: I don’t understand, Mother.
Littlefoot’s Mother: You will, my son. You will.
Oh my…I could write volumes here… When I talk to mom, and the talking is still pretty one-sided, I completely see her with my heart. Maybe it is reading into her non-verbal communication, but I see her trying to get points across. I see and hear her enunciate, make pauses, and tell jokes, just not in a way that can be comprehended by an outside observer. I see micro-expressions of joy, of sadness, and of other emotions. Am I, again, reading into it? I don’t think so. Likewise, I feel very confident she sees the same back at me whether she recognizes me in a classical sense or not (especially now since we are still stuck only in virtual meetings). I put a positive construction and assume we see each other just fine, thank you.
9: From Jurassic Park (1993)
“Keep absolutely still. Its vision is based on movement.
Vision based on movement is a very important concept for you to learn and understand, especially as the disease progresses. Here are three links on the topic: Link Link Link . As we age, it is natural for our range and quality of vision to decline. However, to a person with dementia, the range decline is extreme. Teepa Snow suggests about a 12″ range of vision, and my mom seems similar to that. It may, with mom at least, not be that she cannot see peripherally, but instead that she cannot process sight that wide. The body perhaps adapts and only offers the input that it feels like it can handle. This is very important to remember as you approach a patient with the disease. Make eye contact straight from the front to bring them in to the “conversation”. Talking from the side and/or walking up that way can scare them badly and cause you problems for quite a while after while they regroup.
8. From Silence of the Lambs (1991)
“- Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Ah. That is the Duomo seen from the Belvedere. Do you know Florence?
– Clarice Starling: All that detail just from memory, sir?
– Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Memory, Agent Starling, is what I have instead of a view.”
Before our 38 day lock down started, view, beloved reader/cornbread table sitter, is what mom has instead of a memory. That is what makes this Shawshank lock down sooo hard. The field of vision challenges, the troubleshooting and cognition challenges, and the rest make Zoom calls pretty one-sided. Understanding what you see/process is a very important part of communication and mom, who hated technology when she was pre-symptomatic, can’t draw from past experiences to process what is going on on our Facetime/Zoom-type calls. I think she would ignore it completely if it wasn’t for my voice, which she sees with her ears.
7: Tommy Boy (1995)
Tommy: Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.
Richard Hayden: Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.
Tommy: My shoulder doesn’t hurt very much, but my face does.
[points to huge bruised area on his face]
Tommy: Right here. Not here or here so much. Right here.
Richard Hayden: Nope. Ship shape! Waitress, can I get that shrimp cocktail I saw in the glass case?
Helen: Yep. And you, what can I get
[pauses and looks at Tommy’s face]
Helen: (@#$%^), what happened to your face?
Tommy: I knew it!
This calls to find a couple of things. First is a recollection of the many falls mom endured a year ago. Other members of the Sweet 17 experienced them as often as well. If you sit around with them long enough, you will see them. It is sad, devastating on their health, and NOT limited to those with dementia. Remember this, otherwise healthy senior, FALLING IS NOT A NORMAL PART OF AGING. Sorry to type shout at you, but it is my version of tough love. Couple from the archive here and here. SeniorAge or your local Area Agency on Aging have fall prevention classes of multiple sizes, shapes, and colors. Want to live well longer? Avoid falling…and eat right/exercise.
This also brings to mind the constant hiding of symptoms, sometimes by the caregiver and nearly always by the patient. Those closest to us tend to accommodate and enable our problems. Whether it be denial, pride, fear of being alone, or some other reason, it is common for a loved one to say “He/She is ok…he/she is just getting a little older and needs help here or there.”. Similarly, it is common for the patient, fearing losing freedoms and/or being in denial, of overstate their wellness. We have to probe…investigate…test…talk to the doctor. Mom would have benefited from knowing earlier and we would have too.
and a Bonus from Tommy Boy:
Tommy’s dad: I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s #$%, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.
Sorry…but Tommy Boy is funny even being inappropriate sometimes. We’d all rather not have to experience life with someone with dementia. trust me…they would like to NOT have it too! I get it. I do! It is hard. It makes us sad and it makes us nervous. But we have to take a deep breath and fight off these negative emotions. Rally together a team. One can do one task while someone more suited can do a different task. Don’t go it alone…but go it, nevertheless.
6. The Notebook (2004)
“- Martha Shaw: Look, a woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else.
– Noah: Now you know that I want to give you all the things that you want, right?”
Now, Martha here was talking more about lovey love…but a lesson can be drawn here nevertheless. I can remember the first time (about 2 years ago) that mom looked at me and saw someone else. Then, over the next year I was her brother, her boyfriend, her neighbor…you name it…just not her son. That was hard, but I don’t blame it on her…just the stinkin’ disease talking.
5. The Sixth Sense (1999)
“- Cole Sear: Tell me the story about why you’re sad.
– Malcolm Crowe: You think I’m sad? What makes you think that?
– Cole Sear: Your eyes told me.”
Mom’s eyes don’t yet look sad, but several of the Sweet 17 do. Same applies now that she is in the general population. You can see a lot when you look into their eyes….and sadness is high on the list when present.
4. A Christmas Story (1983)
“- Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
– Mother Parker: No, you’ll shoot your eye out.”
This may seem to be a side-note, but it really isn’t. Several months ago I helped with a website on dementia safety with three topics: Driving, Firearms, and Home Safety. Firearms safety is a critical issue! Even an avid hunter who can field dress a gun with his/her eyes closed may become erratic when they get dementia. Paranoia, for one, is common in early-and mid-stage dementia. Please take the time to read the firearms tab of this website for some excellent tips. Many people are senselessly hurt by a loved one who is impaired. The site helps you have a plan to protect yourself and your loved one and to address the guns how you see fit.
3. The Natural (1984)
Roy Hobbs: The only thing I know about the dark is you can’t see in it.
Isolation is like the darkness. Don’t lock yourself away in protect your loved one mode. As I mentioned before, build a team of help. Call SeniorAge or your local Area Agency on Aging. Call the Alzheimer’s Association hotline. Connect with others in Facebook groups. Join a support group! (My Zoom-based support group is tomorrow night at 6pm CST. I will send out a link tomorrow in social media. 🙂 Don’t sit in the dark by yourself. You won’t realize it is dark until you see the light. .
2. Armageddon (1998)
Dan: [the President asks about the size of the asteroid] lt’s the size of Texas, Mr President.
President: Dan, we didn’t see this thing coming?
Dan: Well, our object collision budget’s a million dollars, that allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and beg’n your pardon sir, but it’s a big-a$% sky.
My excuse for not seeing mom’s dementia progressing wasn’t my budget…although the busyness of life and work contributed. Pay attention better than I did! Ask questions. If you feel unsettled, talk to a doc. Here is a little piece I did about deciding when it is a good time to be checked for dementia. Knowledge is power. If you know early enough, you can prepare. You can make arrangements that will help. There are treatments that you can take that will extend the early stage of dementia! (They do not extend life, they just reshuffle the deck to give you more of the “good” part and less of the bad.). Don’t wait until the huge chunk of rock spiraling toward Earth is visible to act. Do it today.
1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009)
“- Earl Devereaux: You see this contact lens?
– Flint Lockwood: Yeah?
– Earl Devereaux: This contact lens represents you! And my eye represents my eye! [puts on contact lens] I’ve got my eye on you!”
Lastly, from one of my very favorite movies!!! Remember… let’s keep an eye out for each other. If you lose your loved one, take some time off to grieve…as much as it takes! Then a little extra time. Then come back and help others in the same boat. The temptation is to never want to think about it again. I get it. I don’t blame you a bit. However, if you could, help some newbies out there get it figured out. There are waaaay more of them than of us.
Thanks for visiting my little walk of fame. Keep your head up this week. Good times will be here again before you know it!
#EndALZ
Update: I had a nice Facetime with mom this morning. The timing was horrible, but it was still nice. 🙂 She is about the same.
WW Update: Lost 2.2 more for a total of 52.x. Not being able to get free to exercise is hurting, but this was a good week. 🙂