Posted 7/18/23
King Solomon, the wisest man to ever live according to many, said:
” The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”
What do people gain from all their labors
at which they toil under the sun?
Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
No one remembers the former generations,
and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow them. -Ecc. 1
He ends 12 chapters of similar introspection and extrospection (Is that a word? It should be if it isn’t!) with this:
“Not only was the Teacher wise, but he also imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. 10 The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.
11 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one shepherd.[b] 12 Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them.
Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
13 Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.”
How do we form expectations for our lives? I mean, is it just “nature”? Is it our surroundings, if you will, that informs what we expect out of life or do we, like the Bible displays vividly, need to temper our expectations with some harsh truths sprinkled with a supernatural topping of yearning for heaven? Better said, are we expecting too much, as believers or otherwise, about just how nifty this world really should be on a daily basis? Be sure, friends, that social media has a lot to say to this generation. (YOU ARE NOT HAVING AS FUN OF A LIFE AS (PERSON A) BUT AT LEAST IT IS BETTER THAN PERSON B!) Beer commercials have always portrayed their expectations. (ALL YOU NEED IS A BUD LIGHT AND YOU WILL HAVE FUN, A REALLY ATTRACTIVE PERSON OF THE GENDER OF YOUR CHOOSING, AND LOTS OF LAUGHS.). The beer industry isn’t employing all of the Madison Avenue marketing wizards, mind you. Even salad promises lots:
Government leaders and Wall Street constantly says “(Statistic X) exceeded or missed expectations” depending on how much and when they want to change the numbers later.
So how are we to think through expectations as we age? I mean, I am now %$^&^ years old as of last week. 😉 Over 50, we can say… What should I expect and what is mere folly?
I officially “graduated” with my second Master’s Degree recently. (I actually finished my studies and turned in my capstone (Topic: helping vulnerable populations in disaster preparedness) in March. I considered walking/graduating with my peers in Colorado on July 22nd, but I decided that I had spent far too many vacation days working in the Alzheimer’s realm to spend yet another very long weekend off work. After all, there was a virtual graduation I could “attend” as well. I thought it was going to be mirroring the “real” graduation this weekend. Come to find out it actually already happened on 6/9 and I missed it. So I watched it in my room alone this morning while eating a Fiber One bar. Here is a video snippet and some pictures:
Pitty Party over.
Back to the original question: How do we form expectations for our lives? … and a followup: What should our expectations be?
Perhaps these are too big a question to answer in this format, but what is not too big a question is what are our expectations after a diagnosis of dementia. Here is my take, in no particular order:
- It will likely be a surprise– Know this: dementia is NOT a normal part of aging. I realize the stigma says otherwise, but the stigma is wrong. I know hundreds of seniors in their 80s and 90s whom my brain is not worthy of carrying their sandals. It happens. It happens more often to seniors. However, it happens to people younger than me too.
- It will mess up our expectations- My mom and step-dad expected to have 20-30 more years of travel, fishing, gardening, and the like. Their expectations were incorrect, sadly. In 2009, when mom was just hitting the fun years of retirement, everything changed and they soon had to retool their expectations
- It is understandable- I meet people all the time who are wrapped up too much into what stage their loved one is in and how much time is left. As Teepa Snow wisely mentioned in her video GEMS, we spend soooo much time worrying about what is gone that we forget to love on what is left. Don’t make this mistake, friends. Every day, even now, I try to find a glimmer of a smile, I try to make her life a little better, and I find wisdom from her. I cannot tell you how long your loved one has left. I cannot tell you what is next. I can tell you the “typicals” pretty well, but this disease is nothing but atypical more times than not. People at WashU and other research facilities whose IQs have an extra digit than mine, still say a lot of “We believe that X” or “It seems like Y”. It is hard to grasp. Learn a bunch, please…but temper your expectations…
- It is fast- I know of people who have declined very quickly. I also know my mom has had three disease for 14 years. Perhaps live like it will go quickly and milk every drop from the joy still available, but don’t expect anything…
- All times are bad- Nope. There are good times and there are bad. Expect both. Hope for both. Cherish the glimmers of joy.
- Expect an absolute cure for dementia– A couple of things here: Dementia is an umbrella term for a bunch of different diseases. We MAY cure some of them completely someday. Also know this: There are multiple causes of dementia, as far as the research implies. At the least Beta Amyloid plaque and Tau protein tangles factor in and getting braid of both seems to be a very good thing. Leqembi, the second most recent biggie drug, promised a 35% slowing of progression from receiving bimonthly infusions…and it only addresses Beta Amyloid. Here is my expectations from someone who still pushes the door that says quite clearly thank you that you are to pull: There will be a cocktail of treatments established soon to battle this dragon. Some form of monoclonal antibody (Leqembi, Donanemab , or the next biggie) will be utilized to lance the Beta Amyloid, something else among many drugs will fight the Tau protein tangles, something else will fight the inflammation that seems common in the brain of demented patients, and a diet/exercise regimen will be set up. Blood pressure, blood sugar, stress, sleep challenges, oral health (yes, oral health) as well as vision and hearing will be addressed… There will be a treatment plan, not a magic pill. Expect it… Will it cure the disease then? Maybe…or at the very least it will push it back longer and longer.
- It will be hard– I am no fan of comparing diseases. Death is not natural to a believer. It is inevitable, post Fall of Adam, that everything and everything dies, but there is still an unromantic haze that screams this should NOT be so… I know that many if not most of my friends here are not believers, so I respect your right to agree to disagree.
- Heaven will be better with this as a backdrop– Have you ever been to a fine jeweler? I don’t mean K-Mart or Montgomery Ward (wink), I mean the real deal. In our area, Justice Jewelers comes to mind. When they show you a diamond, against what backdrop do they choose? Is it plaid? Is it a picture of a pretty blue sky? Nope. It is typically black velvet. Dark…in fact, the absence of light. I saw the Hope Diamond this year on the trip to DC with the Alzheimer’s Association and it was in a very dark room with dark material everywhere. Why? You cannot truly appreciate the brilliance, literal and figurative, of a diamond without seeing it against a backdrop of the unbrilliant. If life was too easy, too beautiful, and too stress-free, would we yearn for a place that is this awesome or would we just say Nahhh…I like it here just fine, thank you. What was that AOL password again? Make no mistake friends, there are going to be days of the ugliest darkness you have felt. However, keep your eyes on the gemstone again. It is flawless, it is breathtaking, and was fully paid for for believers through Christ.
Was King Solomon right, or was he just sad at the state of affairs? Is life meaningless? I say no. We can fight back at the darkness and point to the Light by doing all we can to make this world a better place and by helping the most vulnerable as best we can. Then, in the end, expect this: it was, indeed, worth every second…
#EndALZ
Update: Mom is about the same. I swung by yesterday for a bit after a long weekend. She has some lighter gowns now that seem to have brought her some new joy in the Ozark’s heat. Will I have her another year? I expect not…will I have her today? I expect so. regardless, we will keep fighting for a cure cocktail and will keep looking ahead for her and for us to a place with no more dementia. My sister took her for a stroll the other day and I liked this picture enough to share it. 🙂
BTW…if you are in SW Missouri and want to join a Walk to End Alzheimer’s Team, here is my team’s link:
https://act.alz.org/site/TR/Walk2023/MO-GreaterMissouri?team_id=786849&pg=team&fr_id=16677
Or start your own team 🙂 Here is that link:
https://act.alz.org/site/TR?sid=23932&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=16677