–or–
“Encourage”
Posted 1-30-20
Yesterday, among the plethora of odd phrases and challenging to understand onomatopoeias (or is that onomatopoeiam…whatever….) mom said a clear phrase “(Word X, Word Y)……when I go home…”then some other unintelligible phrases. In the context of the “discussion”, I don’t feel like she was being spiritual discussing heaven, but was talking going back home about her house. It made me happy to hear and sad to think about because I have wide open eyes to her situation.
She is doing much “better” and I tell her that every day. I encourage her, partially out of fear (and selfishness) that she will give up the will to live and partially because I badly want it to be so…but also partially because she does do some surprisingly “better” things.
Just a couple of quick points:
- How do you deal with words or phrases like this in end-stage dementia? Bursts of coherence? Cogent statements? How do you deal with false “encourage”+ments like this that make you get excited, then bring you back down to Earth? Or should you “deal with it”? Perhaps a better response is to enjoy the moment and live there for a while? That is what I shoot for. It is hard to hear non-words so much, then hear a phrase you recognize and not be excited. But is setting yourself up for disappointment inevitable with a positive outlook mindset in the face of reality? I don’t have a good answer, but I try to teeter totter balance staying warmly positive with being coolly realistic. If I am anything but positive when she has a better moment, it is well hidden. I would love your take on this. 🙂
- Encourage is such an underrated word. It’s origin is from the early 15th Century “from Old French encoragier “make strong, hearten,” from en- “make, put in” (see en- (1)) + corage “courage, heart” . I want to “put in courage” in mom and in you with this article and with Digital Cornbread as a whole. I want you to feel confident in your caregiving. If you are struggling to visit your lived one with the condition, I want to help you “make courage” to give it a shot. Am I good at it? Perhaps I am OK now at it but I certainly haven’t always been. Life’s experiences tend to en+courage you to encourage others. Maybe that is part of the big picture of why this junk happens? Hmmm.
#EndALZ
Hugs brother
Thank you Vern.