Posted 11-13-19
First let me say that I do NOT believe in Karma. In my humble opinion, there is no impersonal force ruling situations to right the universe somehow. It defies logic and, frankly, is doing a terrible job had it been true. Lots of bad things happen all the time with no obvious repercussion. However, I do believe there is a lot to be said, in a Christian sense, for reaping what you sow, but it is not impersonal nor is it often instant. On the contrary, it is incredibly personal and part of a bigger picture….so much so that it should give us pause every single day as we tread this planet searching for truth and justice. Ultimately, in Christianity, every single wrong/sin will indeed by paid for either by the person committing the infraction before or after they die or, vicariously, by Christ on the cross (for those who have repented and placed their trust in Him.) Nobody will get away with anything. It gives me peace and pause all at once and makes me appreciate my punishment-taker all the more.
Why do I bring this up? It is just an issue that I struggle with in terms of forgiveness that I am working on. It is a flaw in my character as I should have already let this go long ago. So what happened, blog boy…we don’t have all day!?! 🙂
When mom started having more and more memory issues as the “mild form of dementia” that she was diagnosed with some 10 years ago started finding the right places to inflict the most damage in her brain, those who should have understood and been empathetic did not and were not. Her peers criticized her, even mocked her for the changes wrought by this stinkin’ disease. She would say the same thing twice in a conversation…a VERY common occurrence, but one that should have tipped us off more than it did…and her peers would say “You JUST said that!!” and chuckle. This was not an isolated story…it happened many times. These isolated glass house dwellers were people walking on the walking track with mom (who exercised trying valiantly to fight off this demon), they were her waitresses, they were family-members, they were “friends” at civic groups and they were her Sunday School class members who called themselves believers in Christ. It happened many times, and it stunk each time.
In no way is it an excuse, but it is easier for me to fathom a teen or a twenty-something teasing someone like mom since they may not have been exposed to the disease and since they have grown up in the Internet world where it is OK to be mean for some folks…but not fellow seniors. Heck, some of these folks probably had the beginning stages of the disease already at work in their own brain ecosystem and most certainly knew family struggling with it. 🙁
Please hear my heart…I love seniors. I serve seniors professionally and will do so, Lord willing, until I retire and then I will then volunteer to do the same. I have long considered myself a preemie senior, always preferring the things of previous generations over my own. My first degree was a B.A. on History because I love to study times passed. The only time I have been overseas was to do archaeology for a summer in 1990 because I love to learn about people who came before us. A big part of my job is to help senior employees, volunteers and clients with technology and with disaster preparedness. I am amazed and respect greatly many, many, many seniors. Nearly all seniors…
I guess my plea to you is to be sympathetic/empathetic to your peers with this disease and stand up for them against those who think that folks with this disease “just need to try harder”. Bullying (using strength against someone you perceive is weaker than you), in any form, is wrong and it is sinful. Mental illness is another topic this generation struggles with empathy toward. I bring that up because one man who had known mom since high school was fond of stating that mom and her family all had “screwed up brains”…while at the same time he, quite sadly, had a “screwed up liver” from 60 years of abusing alcohol. See, sometimes the obvious things in life to us are our blind spots. We all need to change and get better at loving our neighbor…or at least keeping our big flappers shut. Social isolation caused by fear of the disease seems to speed up the disease’s progression, and nobody wants that! Sigh… We don’t laugh at people next to the road with a flat because we know it could be us. Many of us stop and lend a hand. Then why bully a senior with dementia? Statistically speaking, we may be in the same boat minus a cure before we know it! Like mom used to say, those in glass houses need to be careful handling stones.
Rant over. Now I need to work on forgiveness to these folks. I have lots of work to be done in my heart about it and I will get better.
I guess as a measure of a silver lining, mom doesn’t remember these heartless barbs any more. In fact, one lady that did it is now in her nursing home with a similar condition and neither remember the topic. Forgetting this bad stuff is rare good facet of the disease.
One last little tip to conclude: there are pre-made business cards available that tell waitresses and other strangers what is going on with your loved one. I think they are very useful and helpful and can help you not be afraid to take your loved one outside into public. They need interaction and love…and to be treated with respect.
Update: Mom had another good day yesterday. I hope to see her again tonight also hope this great streak continues, but I know the other shoe will drop soon enough.
Last note: Did I mention that I love seniors? I truly do…
#EndALZ
So good. Thank you Mark.
Thank you 🙂