Posted 7/10/23
“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.” -Psalm 96:11-12
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” -Ecc 4:9-12
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” -Gen 2:18
Hello all! Just got home from a life-giving (birthday) weekend out with my bride to a little-ish hamlet called Eureka Springs, Arkansas. My bride and I have our normal, go-to cabin we rent here and there near Silver Dollar City that I have written about here several times, but we also really dig this groovy little community deep in the wooded mountains of Arkansas. It is breathtakingly pretty, it is pretty darn quiet (heck…our cabin didn’t even have cable nor internet!!!)
We had 3 days and 2 nights of a simpler life…and it was a huge blessing. That being said, had she not been there by my side, I would have certainly went elsewhere to fish, preferably with friends or family. I am a social creature and, like it or not, we all are. I know, I know…it is all the rage these days to almost boast of our love for aloneness. We love to turn people into a verb by saying “I am sick of people-ing”….and I get it. We are overwhelmed in our society with people, even when we least suspect it. See, you are peopling right now reading my blog and thinking it through. I am somewhat contributing to your people account overdraft here…and I am mighty happy to do so. See, we were created to share life with people. We NEED someone…perhaps many someones with whom to divide sorrow and multiply joy. Get some awesome news? What is the first thing you want to do? Tell someone!…and rightfully so! Get some bad news? We may WANT to bury it in the ground, but we best begin healing when we share this burden.
This concept of the need to not be alone is what social media is all about, by definition. We get the easy part…the sharing life…without that hard part of non-verbal ques (Is he judging me? Do I look sad?) and the stress of sharing. Well, there is also stress of sharing in social media too…sometimes much worse I suppose…but one can always deactivate the account. But in life we need people.
We were sitting on the deck of the cabin soaking in the nature when I noticed that the trees all had one thing in common: they were yearning for the sun. They were sometime barren and even leafless for 20-30 feet until they found a hole in the canopy of the shade to see the light and reach for it with their new shoots.
Other trees were below the shade line and struggled to find any life-giving sun. They had leaves, but they certainly were not thriving.
This is us, friends. We need the life giving friendships and joy multiplication/sorrow division of the sun…people. It starts early, for certain. Note this article from Psychology Today’s Maia Szalavitz:
“Last week’s Science Times had a neat article about the communicative and healing power of touch that became one of the site’s most emailed articles. And it’s not surprising: We live in a country that’s starved for physical affection, where an outbreak of hugging by high school students prompts media coverage and even alarm, when many other cultures would find it either unremarkable or worth celebrating.
As the Times notes, however, touch can ease pain, lift depression and even possibly increase the odds that a team will win.
But touch is even more vital than this: Babies who are not held, nuzzled, and hugged enough can stop growing, and if the situation lasts long enough, even die.
Researchers discovered this when trying to figure out why some orphanages had infant mortality rates around 30-40%. We now know that orphanages are not suitable places for infants. Babies aged zero to five simply do not receive enough stimulation in group residential care to develop to their full capacity.
Critical here is individualized, physical parental attention. For one, this nurturing is necessary for the brain to learn to connect human contact with pleasure. This association is one of the foundations of empathy: We connect first through soothing touch and shared smiles.
Sadly, babies raised in orphanages often begin to fear touch and avoid it. Without having intensive, repeated, loving contact with the same one or two people, they simply can’t make the proper connections. They don’t get enough repetition with particular people to build in bonding. And that can spell trouble later in life as this early touch helps provide the template for all relationships thereafter.
Thankfully, when children raised in orphanages are placed in loving homes, much of this damage can be reversed. But some children never overcome it. Given the grounding of our early experience in nurturing touch, we’d do well to consider adding more friendly touch to our lives. Nursery schools, preschools, and even high schools sometimes ban physical contact in a misguided attempt to avoid sexual abuse.
That’s likely to be ineffective and counterproductive. If kids don’t get healthy touch, they are more vulnerable to predators who can harm them. Indeed, some cross-cultural research suggests that cultures which lavish more affection on infants and children are less violent and less prone to crime.
So, if you want empathetic children—and an empathetic culture—touch and be touched.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/born-love/201003/touching-empathy#:~:text=But%20touch%20is%20even%20more,rates%20around%2030%2D40%25.
I don’t believe this benefit stops when we are little either, friends. I believe wholeheartedly that in order to thrive, we need each other. My wonderful employer, SeniorAge, sees this as a mission-critical facet of life as well. To that end, they have a phone reassurance program that involves a frequent phone call to tens of thousands of folks who are alone in the south part of Missouri that begins with a simple “How is everything going in your world?”. While, in a perfect world, we could swing by in person, this is an outstanding start. We may very well be the only non-salesman who calls them some days. We have also been able to have wellness checks done by those who always answer and don’t for some reason or another. Living life together demands no less. 🙂
Did you know that a warning sign of dementia is “Withdrawal from work or social activities”? One of the most sad parts of aging in general is when we struggle in cognition, we reach inward instead of outward more often than not. When we struggle physically we are not as likely do do this as it is generally agreed that physical things “just happen” as we get older and we will need help here and there. It isn’t a sign of weakness somehow, but a sign of age and perhaps mileage. However, for some frustrating reason some are less compassionate with our ability to remember 9and the rest of dementia). As I noted in a piece called From Glass Houses, written BEFORE Covid visited and locked us away for months…some seniors are sometimes the meanest to other seniors who struggle with cognition (and mental illness for that matter), and this should not be so. Dementia IS NOT a normal part of aging. It is certainly the biggest risk factor, but it is the biggest risk factor for many things that are not universal. Dementia is not a sign of weakness. In fact, some of the strongest, bravest folks I will ever know fought this dragon. Yet it happens.
What can we draw from this?:
- We need each other
- We need each other for love
- We need to help each other
- We need to spend time with each other
- We need others to spend time with us
- Dividing sorry and multiplying joy is impossible alone just like dividing by and multiplying by zero
- We all have neighbors and many of us have neighbors who are alone. perhaps senior ones at that. We need to be in their lives for their sake and ours.
- Nursing homes are full of alone folks. 🙁 I know a man from my mom’s nursing home that recently died that, as far as I know never had a single visitor in the nearly decade he lived there.
- Peopling is messy. It is hard. We can get hurt. But, we thrive when we do it and do not when we don’t.
- I hope ‘Squatches have friends and family. They hide too well for me to be their friend. 😉
I was fortunate to have some time to visit with KY3 this weekend as well regarding the Leqembi approval. Here is that link: LINK It was very loud and I had my camera turned wrong, but it was still a nice interview. 🙂 I mentioned to their excellent reporter that Eureka Springs was once known for “healing” waters, then quickly became a snake oil center for every elixir known to man as a cure for everything. I reiterated that, despite this being a super exciting step in the right direction, it was not a cure. I suspect it may be part of a cocktail of drugs. Some form of monoclonal antibody addressing Beta Amyloid. Another drug, perhaps even in the same class, attacking the Tau tangles. Something else for inflammation and other chemistry problems. Diet, exercise, and the rest…a whole regiment of attacks on the disease that is attacking our brain, much like AIDS is attacked with a host of drugs and lifestyle adjustments. Fighting dementia with keeping your mind engaged is a critical step as well…and that includes sharing life.
#EndALZ
Update: Mom did pretty well over the weekend. She resumed eating, fortunately. 🙂 She is a great example of the power of togetherness/community. During Covid, nearly 3 years ago, they “called us in” and let us visit as they assumed her last days were at hand. We stayed with her 24/7 for a few days and she perked up and started thriving. To God be the glory that we were able to be the little sunlight that she needed and she was able to move her limbs to find it. We need her and she needs us. 🙂 My sister took her for a stroll in her wheelchair and this picture brings me joy:
Thank you all for your patience waiting for posts to come. I love to write and yearn to have more time with you all again here. 🙂
Here are some final photos from our little weekender: