Posted 12/8/21
“…if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[a] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.” Romans 12:8
Happy Wednesday everyone! 🙂 I really don’t have a lot to discuss today although many, many topics yet need to be delved into. I just had a quick thought for you:
Are you like me in that you tend toward the NEED to just do something when you are busy/stressed/depressed/bored? I don’t do nothing well, but especially when things are a challenge like right now. Visiting mom in the nursing home daily these days is a great example. She sits there, generally with eyes only slightly open, if at all, and I talk and talk and talk and talk… I am not good at awkward pauses and/or quiet. I think that is partially why I am not a great public speaker or interviewer (of others) or salesman. Even in writing, I write more than I need to to get the point across. (A gigantic Duuuhhhhhhh!!! sound overheard from the audience.). How do we perfect the art of nothinging? Is this a neurosis or a flaw that can be addressed? Or, better said, is it really a bad thing?
I am a “man of action”. That isn’t to say “I wing it”…I do prepare and over-prepare and prepare some more. I also overthink either the positive possibilities or the possible pitfalls, veering, unfortunately, sometimes, toward my mood at the time. I constantly try to “live out front of the situation” to avoid getting bogged down or lost in a shuffle. I think these and other reasons are partially behind my Runnin’ Til I’m Purple II event this next year. I want/need to help mom and to help you so that you aren’t forced to be in the same place I am now. My solution: just do some stuff…lots of it. It helps me and hopefully, it helps you…but it doesn’t do much for mom.
Do you know what I am discovering the longer I help care for mom? Most people are in the same boat. It is a natural cycle. Like all habit cycles, we have to figure out whether the habit is worth keeping or not. I mean, eating when you are stressed DOES make you feel better. It really does….until it doesn’t when you hit the scale. I am sure smoking crack helps too until it kills you. The “question”, then, here, is pragmatic: do the ends justify the means? Does DOING something to fight to #EndALZ only help me since there is still no cure? Do my little efforts only help you and actually hurt me…I mean, these gems do take some time to whip up. 😉 Does exercising, preparing for a 2-day, over 75-mile jog help more than it hurts? My knees are sore and I am tired a lot… OR, does the things I am working on help me, you, and the greater good?
I have to believe the latter.
If I cannot/will not be able to help make this dementia mess better, then hope is chopped down a notch, and I think of that as unthinkable. I lean on Romans 8:28-30 as a set of verses that point to this answer…and I lean on them with all of my heart. Am I trying too hard by talking and typing and running incessantly? It could be. However, until someone complains, I think I will just stay on this course and see how it plays out. Note here: I do think it explains why it can be hard to “retain” volunteers in Alzheimer’s Association work who enter their volunteering as a caregiver and exit once the caregiving is “over” if you will. Burnout is a real thing and it is far easier to not think about dementia when you don’t have to. But I encourage you, again…don’t waste this mess. Make the world better for those with the disease through your experiences. It is helping me and it will help you too. If you need help finding some ways, email or message me…I will put you to work.
I am going to put down the keyboard now for the day and rest my mind. Maybe quietness is a way I can feed my busyness good food so that it will be more productive in the end. We WILL cure this disease. Together. Us. We really will…
#EndALZ
Update: I had a nice meal with mom yesterday. I talked a lot, she didn’t…but it was worth it. Her time is waning, for sure. She could be with us weeks, or possibly months…but not years (despite what I have said the last few years…). It is a hard disease..but she is fighting like a soldier. Thank you for listening to my tale today… Keep doing. It helps…it really does.
