Posted Mom’s Birthday 2023
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Hi all! Another month a quarter past. The year is well over half way finished and our thoughts will soon be of falling leaves, pumpkin spice, and scary ghost stories. In the Applegate House we are deeply in what we refer to as birth month. From July 9th until August 16 we celebrate the following birthdays: me, all three of my kids, my stepdad, a niece, and mom. If I had my way, we would just force a redo of the international calendar system and create a new month called Appleary. IT would simplify things for me at least…and who worked up this set of months anyway???? I mean, the Roman word septimus from which we get “September” literally means 7th month. October, by the same word whiz, is named after octavus meaning 8th month. I mean, that makes good sense for the 9th and 10th months to be named after such nonsense…so what not Appleary? As a bonus, Appleary would be a convenient word to rhyme with capillary in that love poem you have been working on:
I love you my queen even more through Appleary
The month we celebrate many o’birth
My heart pounds for you from aorta all the way to capillary
Wait, that could just be caused by my rotund girth.
What a month it is, though. We have always tried to celebrate the little things. Among the many ways I have been a less-than-Ward-Cleaver parent, failing to try hard to celebrate with my kids is not one. As Appleary rolls on, today we celebrate my mom’s birthday. It is her 79th. She has always enjoyed what we do for her birthday. 🙂 I remember like it was yesterday talking to my siblings when she turned 45 that “we need to spend time with mom…she surely doesn’t have many years left”. We were in our self-centered teens in those years, so that was quite a revelation, albeit a funny and naive one. She was in great health. Heck, even Grandma and Uncle Joe were fine, dementia having not yet wreaking its damage on any of them. Time is so relative, friends. We blink our eyes and, like King Solomon and other Biblical pillars said, time vanishes like a mist…a vapor.
So today mom rolls her tiny puffed steam train into 79ville, running on fumes. Ironically I can remember lamenting with my siblings in much the same way the last few birthdays that “we need to spend time with mom…she surely doesn’t have many years left”. Yet she keeps surprising us daily. I try hard to spend time with her every day, but only succeed about 4-5 days a week right now. It is very hard. It just is. Nursing homes are hard. One resident insists I am Dr. Powers, one of the primary doctors that attend the nursing home. She squeals with glee when I get there most days and is painfully sad that I don’t spend time with her checking her out and giving her medical advice. Others moan for help. Others throw things. Some stop eating. Some die. I have watched from a distance at least 20 wonderful people there wither away and enter their eternal destinies…and it is hard.
Celebrating mom’s birthday this year, as it has been for a few now, is also hard. What to get for the person who has, yet needs EVERYTHING? Here are some websites that have some good general ideas for dementia patient gifts: LINK and LINK and LINK. There are lots of great sites that give lists like this…and, for the most part, give great tips. We have to celebrate, even up to the end, because we just don’t know what they are thinking. I err on the side of expecting that mom knows much more than she lets on whether or not that is true…because being too present with her is far better than not present enough. She has valued gifts a lot these last several years. Comfy clothes, fidget blankets/cuffs, and other things to positively stimulate the senses are all great choices when they are somewhat mobile. Mom, however, has parkinsonism such that she is so rigid that she cannot do anything herself. I do mot mean that as hyperbole. The first thing I do when I arrive after making eye contact with her and announcing my visit is look for things I can do that she cannot. I check the lighting (chronic dry eyes) and I look for hairs in her eyes that she could not move. I watch for grimaces, I listen for congestion in her lungs, and I search out anything else she may need…because she is helpless.
So, what is left to buy her? Nothing. What would I buy her if it would help? Anything.
This is a truly terrible disease, friends. It leaves an otherwise fun month of Appleary with a bitter bookend….and I am certain as certain as I am that Catholic bears play bingo in the woods that she hates this soooo much for us even more than for herself.
So what shall I give her today? The same as every day:
- Respect
- Time
- Hand hold/hug
- Play some Alan Jackson’s Hymns on my phone
- a kiss on the head and an I live you mom on the way out
- A renewed desire to slay this stupid dementia dragon that has messed up this time in her life. If it takes 90 hours of stairs in every town that has a vowel in its name, I am willing. She is worth it.
Happy Birthday, Mom.
#EndALZ
If you can donate to our Walk to End Alzheimer’s Team, it would be greatly appreciated. Here is the link to donate or to join the team: LINK If you can, please come to the Walk this September 23rd. Here is the info on it: LINK Your community, should you be unfortunate as to not live in the Ozarks, can be searched out there as well. It is likely in September or October…you know, the 7th and 8th months. (Rolling my eyes). It is very encouraging to attend a Walk. It is free and a huge blessing. Oh, and with ours you can snag some free Pineapple Whip as you leave! 🙂
Update: Mom is the same as of yesterday. I will see her later today and will sing Happy Birthday to her for us all. 🙂
Photo Dump of some of my favorites from the 2500 I have shared here:
